Sailing Against the Tides (CS #1)

Chapter 37

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Livy
"Days after what happened, I received the separate paternity test I applied for. I wanted to inform you and tell you everything but you already moved to the states," he said.

"It was hard but I knew we both needed to heal. So I accepted the fact that we were done. I just dealt with my problems and tried to move forward. Good thing Vince helped me go through it as well," marahang dugtong niya.

"W-why?" I almost lost my balance but he caught me by the waist. I couldn't form a sentence.

Napaupo ako sa sofa, nanghihina ang mga tuhod. My hands trembled while reminiscing the past. I felt a sharp pain wrecking my chest when I remembered how I pushed him away. The painful words I told him. How I slapped him and called him a liar. A cheater. How I compared him to his father and told him that he was just like my Dad and his Dad. I judged him and believed the lies made by other people.

Listening to his side now made me realize how monstrous I was for not considering his feelings. I became blinded by my trust issues and pains that I believed the video and the lies of Akihira instead of believing in him instead. I was blinded by my own sufferings without knowing the he was also suffering. That he needed me that time.

"I'm sorry.." tears were falling from my face like a river. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me.. I.. I didn't know. I'm so sorry," naninikip 'yung dibdib ko.

He shook his head and cupped my face. "No, Livy. Please don't ask for forgiveness for the things you weren't able to control. You were hurt that time. You were losing yourself. I never blamed you for anything. But I just.. I just needed you that time."

"You were there at my lowest and stayed with me, comforted me, loved me. But where was I when you needed me?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang paghagulgol. Iniisip ko pa lang ang mga pinagdaanan niya, hindi ko kaya. "I pushed you away and left you," I couldn't even say the words.

"Stop crying, Livy. Please.." paos niyang saad at pinunasan ng mga luha ko. Parang nahihirapan siyang makita akong umiiyak at nasasaktan.

"No, Nikolo," umiling ako at napaluhod sa harap niya.

"Livy, stand up," he didn't expect me to kneel in front of him so he tried to get me up. But I insisted.

"I have to say sorry. I was selfish back then, I didn't even consider your side and did not accept your feelings valid," I breathed heavily.

Natahimik siya at malalim akong tinitigan. But he was holding me close and drying my tears. He bent further so he could have better access on me. Seryoso ang mukha niya.

"You don't deserve how I treated you," I said and held his cheek.

Napapikit siya. He leaned closer to my hand as I felt his warmth. "And thank you for not giving up on your life. Thank you for trying to live."

Pinigilan ko ang pag-iyak ko lalo. It would probably kill me if I found out that he ended his life. After what he has been through, losing his Dad from a young age and witnessing the abuse and cheating acts of his Dad towards his Mom. And now, he lost Tita Grace. The only family he got. Sobrang sakit. I couldn't imagine what he's been through while I was also trying to put back the sanity I lost.

"Captain Esguerra, I am so proud of you," I whispered.

Napamulat siya ng mga mata. And I was stunned when I saw how his eyes lit up. I missed those. I missed that look.