advice . jeongchan

three

yang jeongin stood with his arms clutching himself in an attempt to feel some sort of security. he watched as the first responders walked out the house carrying the black bag of his mother's body on a stretcher. tears only sat on the brim of his eyes, too tired to fall any further. he looked to the sky, holding the tears hostage in his red whites. the sky was clear and blue—a rather beautiful day for such horrors jeongin had to experience. a throat clearing got the boy's attention and he looked to the responder who clasped his hands together in front of him.

"i'm sorry for your loss," he started, "does anyone else live here?"

jeongin lowered his head with a shake.

the man nodded slowly, "maybe stay at a family member's or friend's for a while. being alone after this might not be the best." jeongin said nothing. just continued to stare at the ground. the first responder no longer wanted to pressure the boy in any sorts and cleared his throat once more, "the hospital will reach out to you soon. there are many groups you can sign up for or individual therapy for this situation. keep your head up, okay kid?"

jeongin finally looked up and gave a closed lip smile, glancing over to the ambulance and then walked back into the house. he closed the door and listened as the ambulance drove away with the one person he cared about in his life. he never had many friends. even during his school time, he hated getting close to people. he stuck to himself all throughout his school years. his mother was the only person he could ever talk to. but now he was alone in an empty house. it never felt bigger to him than in this moment. it was silent.

normally you could hear the television turned up high as his father watched whatever show. or the shouts from his father upstairs at his mother. or the throwing of objects. or the cries.

but now there was nothing. not even the calm and soothing hum from his mother making food in the kitchen while her husband lay drunk at some bar, knowing once he returned that peace would come to an end. there wasn't a vacuum stirring about with his mother at the end. or water running with dishes clinking together. nothing.

now the only water jeongin could hear was the flow in his mind. the bath water running red. his eyes squeezed closed and he covered his ears, sliding down the door with tears arising. he tried so hard to make the image go away. he cried out for it to stop. begged for this all to be one big nightmare. he repeatedly hit the sides of his head, trying desperately to get it to stop. to make it all stop. he screamed out in pain. then came sobs. the cries began to drain out the water sound in his head. he held himself tightly and cried. just cried.

—

may 1, 2022

short filler.