Come what may

your post

I wish I had the nerve to tell you how this is breaking me apart, I wish I had the guts to stand up and speak out, to tell you that everything you've been giving is more than what will ever come in return.
Love has no limits and can overcome allot, but my dear, at what cost?

The biggest part of me wants to wake you up, wants to grap you by both arms and confront you with everything she has put you through and still. But that's not who I am and that is not what I will do.

The smallest part of me feels rejection, feels disposable and when you dedicate that one stupid post to someone who doesn't even give a damn, it makes me feel like my little girl don't quite stand at the same, equal place. While, truth being said: she has been giving you more love than your one flesh and blood lately. But I do not blame you, reality goes as they say: blood runs thicker than water.

But it does scare me for the future, for what if, for some kind of reason, we have to switch to the standard IVF treatment? It will be my blood then, my DNA. For me, that changes absolutely nothing, I will love our future baby, whether it's biologically mine or yours. I will love that baby as much as I love this blonde monster, as much as I loved your daughter at the beginning. But I see what I see and your actions sometimes speak different than your words, but I don't hold grudges against it and I love you anyway.

All I am saying is that it scares me, and I'm not the type of person to talk about this. I'm not going to bring this up cause I realize that you knowing this would change your behavior... I wish you would see what I saw but I want you to see it for yourself and not because I made you aware of this. So I'll stay quiet and continue doing what the other part of me has been doing all along:

being understanding, being the shoulder, being all ears and taking it all in. Disagreeing and arguing in silence and blindly supporting whatever you do because that's what a good partner does. Right?