Dear you,
Do you remember the first time I attended HANLIM high? It's been 5 years since I graduate there as a musician. I really wished I could graduate with you but looks like fate is not in our hands.
Alright, back to what I was saying. I was seriously so nervous about attending a new school, in a new classroom filled with strangers in my age but then, there's you.
There's you who changed my mind. I know you'll be surprised about this but actually I had no idea how to talk to girls haha! So yeah I'm basically an introvert at first. But despite that, I picked up the courage to greet you. You were hiding your face, I thought you ignore me but by reading your diary, looks like you're just embarrassed. That's adorable haha.
Actually, when you were asked to stay at the hospital, I asked our homeroom teacher to give me your mother's phone number. That is how I knew your conditions and your surgeries. It must've been scary for you. Eating bunch of medical pills, going to the hospital that is filled with plain white walls, getting surgeries. I wish I could stay with you ever since the beginning.
I was insanely worried when I heard about your condition from your mother. It made me worried sick until I skipped my meals, stared at the wall for god knows how long, checking my phone frequently hoping you would text me. Heck, I even skipped my favourite shows on TV.
I didn't even actually attend school. I skipped classes most of the time, including music class. School is so boring without you. I was distracted so much to the point I failed most of my exams. The teachers were disappointed in me but for once, I didn't care. My parents knew about my result too since they knew what's going on with me. And, I know you'll be disappointed. I'm sorry for disappointing you, but you are my first priority that's why.
I feel so bad for confessing to you when you're in that state. I was scared that you'll leave me without me telling you about my feelings. I never wanted to give you pressure but what if I'm too late?
What if you leave me without knowing my feelings?
The thought itself is breaking me.
If I knew this was going to happen, we could've spend more time with each other but before I knew it, I was too late.
I remember that one night in your hospital room. You were crying in my arms, saying that you're afraid of death. I held you in my arms, telling you everything will be alright. But you know what? I was crying too. Inside. I don't want you to see me cry. So I try to look and be brave for you.
I wasn't even ready to let you go. But God just had to take you away from me. It's very cruel indeed. There's a song, and the lyric goes '' The world is cruel, but I love you. '' and from that, it hurts me so bad, knowing that the lyric is true.
But you're now in a better place right? I hope you're doing fine there. I'll be there when the time comes. Please do rest in peace. Wait for me there, I will definitely hold you in my arms once again.
Yours truly,
Choi Beomgyu.
