Personal Warfare

Waking up...alone

Damian's POV

Pain surged through me on repeat, eating at my nerves like fire. My head felt clouded, dark, empty. All I could see was black. A void that enveloped me like a blanket.

I had no control over my body. As if it wasn't mine anymore. Just a stiff corpse on a cold slab.

Something was different though. Quieter. A little lighter despite the heaviness that seemed to keep me held down.

She was gone.

Her voice was gone. The power she held over me had dissipated and I felt free for the first time in my life. Only, what was wrong with me? What had happened?

Memories started to flood my mind. Like blips of a movie playing in my mind's eye. Jon's horrified face. Jason's tears. Even Tim's silent cries as he looked down at me.

Pain surged through me again, pushing a sharp breath from my lungs as my chest heaved upwards.

It interrupted my thoughts and in some ways, grounded me, making me more awake and aware of the stillness around me.

I tried to turn my head, gritting my teeth as the sharp sting from the wound on my chest caused my eyes to pop open.

Light blinded me, ripping another gasp from inside me as water puddled in the corners of my eyes before slowly dripping down my cheeks.

I remembered now. I remembered everything.

I'd tried to kill myself.

Guilt filled my body as I grit my teeth, the sound of a choked sob echoing in my ears.

It was the only way to free myself.

I knew what I had done was risky, but I felt the worst part was doing it in infront of Jon.

Oh god! Did he think I was dead?

My heart sank into my stomach, the feeling making me gag as the rush of forced air into my lungs burned my nose and throat.

Slowly and clumsily, I moved a hand up, dragging my fingers over my face until I felt the small clear tube that went up into my nose.

I pulled at it, a rush of panic flared through me as I gagged, squeezing my eyes closed as the length of it slid out of me. I dropped it to the side, feeling my lungs tighten slightly, my brain forcing them to take in air.

A soft beeping noise slowly filtered through my ears and I turned my head again, squinting at the glowing green and red lights beside me.

My panic grew further as I followed a line from one of the beeping objects to my arm. Moving my hand over to grab at it I hesitated. Something inside me told me it wasn't a good idea.

I kept my hand on my arm, closed gingerly over the insertion point, but paused to look around again, feeling a slight burn in my eyes as I forced them to stay open.

Finally, I managed to pull myself up enough to see my surroundings clearly.

I'm in the cave!

I furrowed my eyebrows, my lips parting slightly as a choked and raspy noise escaped, causing me to cough.

I tried to clear my throat, forcing my aching legs over the side of the bed, trying to ignore the pain that shot up into my hips as I did.

A drew in a breath, hissing out as I grit my teeth.

Fu*k!

I was still holding onto the IV line and took a deep breath before finally pulling it out, dropping it and grabbing the sheet on top of me to stop any excess bleeding.

My mind was racing as I looked around again, my vision a little clearer than before as I managed to make out my surroundings better.

I was definitely in the cave infirmary...but no one else was.

"H-hello?" I grimaced as the dry spots in my throat seemed to stick together and tried to swallow. It did little to alleviate the pain.

Where is everyone?

"F-father? Jon? A-anyone?" As soon as I set my feet on the floor, my knees buckled and I fell, groaning pitifully as I caught myself with my hands.

The floor was cold, freezing, yet somehow felt good on my aching joints, aliveating some of the stiffness in my fingers as I splayed them out against the concrete.

I found myself sighing out lowly, closing my eyes a moment to gain my bearings and allowing the vertigo to slow to a stop before attempting to move again.

If I could just make it to the bat computer, I knew I could get a hold of someone. Anyone. I didn't care who it was. I just needed anyone.

I paused, not really knowing why, but...something-something was definitely different. When I woke up I felt it, but here it was again. That feeling. The relief of my thoughts being just that, mine.

There was no secondary voice. No overlap of pricing revolt or criticism. It was actually rather...quiet.

I couldn't help the tears that pushed through my eyelashes, trickling down my face or the horse, gravely sob that escaped past my lips in a faltering echo.

Yes! She really was finally gone!

Yet, I felt more alone now. It was freeing to hear my own thoughts, to have full control of my own inner voice, but what good is it to be free if everyone was just going to leave anyway?

No! This isn't you anymore! Come on, Damian!

I took a deep breath, pushing myself up onto shaky legs and holding onto whatever was in front of me. I'd been through worse. So much worse. I'd fought through unimaginable physical pain.

This was nothing compared to all that. I could do this. I had to do this.

One agonizingly slow step after another made it feel like an eternity before I finally reached the console, practically throwing myself against its frigid surface and letting it hold up the bulk of my weight.

My vision was spotting, fading in and out and I panted. Dizziness circled around me as nausea surged through my stomch. I had made it though. The hardest part was over.

I just closed my eyes, heaving out painful, shallow breaths as I leaned against the desk, slowly pulling myself back to my brutal reality again.

Relying on memory and the feel of the keypad, I drug my hand across it till I felt the correct button and pressed down, heaving out another ragged breath before losing my grip. My body collapsed onto the floor.

My head spun, my eyes dancing, unfocused as the lights around me started to fade. That same darkness consuming me once again in its narly deeps.

The ringing in my ears all but drowned out the sharp ringing on the screen above me as the call connected through.

At least, I hoped that's what it was doing.

A feminine voice echoed through the wave of nausea spreading through my body, keeping me pinned to the ground like a ton of bricks.

"Hello? Is anyone there?...Bruce? Dick?...Hello?"

My mind cut out, dipping into a numbing silence as everything grew still. Quiet.

It was peaceful in some sort of deranged way, unraveling to my sences as I laid sprawled out on the floor of the cave once again, feeling my body jolt and convulse.