Personal Warfare

Divergent Emotions

Jason's POV

"Fu*k!" I swung my fist, listening as it collided with the bank robber's face.

I was pissed. I was pissed at myself for what happened with Damian. I knew something was up when he hesitated, but I took the chance to attack anyway.

I felt awful. Which was odd because normally I'd take great pride in beating the little punk while sparring, but something had been off with him.

When he got up, I had expected him to jump at me and just absolutely beat the shit out of me, instead he'd just gone upstairs.

That was 9 hours ago.

When we went out on patrol, Dick said Damian wouldn't be coming. That definitely wasn't normal. He wouldn't tell me why though and just said it was better we went without him.

It sucked!

I actually missed our bantering and name calling, but somehow I felt like that was part of the reason for what happened today.

Fu*k

"Hood, what is up with you tonight? I mean, not that I don't mind you using your anger to take down the baddies, but you seem extra pissed tonight."

I turned, sending a glare in Roy's direction. "I just...it's nothing okay. Let's just finish up here. I'm freezing."

My words came out in a harsh growl, but Roy was used to that and he didn't seem to take it personally.

He held his hands up and made a face. "M'kay. Whatever you say, Mr grumpy." I rolled my eyes before turning back to the man who was now slumped down on the ground unconscious.

I grabbed the duffel bag and tossed it to Dick. "There. Done. Call the police and let's go." I turned to leave, but Tim grabbed my arm. "What!?"

He didn't falter, but I just barely saw his eyes widen before he relaxed again. He opened his mouth then paused, shaking his head before letting me go. "Nothing."

He made his way over to Dick and I huffed, adjusting my jacket before getting on my bike.

I knew Tim was gonna ask if I was okay. I knew I wasn't, but I also had no idea how to fix this. Not that Damian would want to talk to me so I could fix it anyway.

He is a little demon brat, but maybe-maybe I took it too far this time.

I shook my head. He was distant and usually didn't show any emotion around us. There was no way what I did really hurt him. Well, nothing but his pride anyway.

If that was the case, he just needed to get over himself.

Without a second thought, I started my bike and took off back towards the manor. I needed a shower and some sleep.

This whole thing with Damian would either fix itself or at the very least wait until morning.

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Damian's POV
5 years old.

"How do you expect to become the greatest assassin if you just give up when you're a little tired?"

Mother looked at me with a cold expression, watching me pant while I sat on my knees, my arms stretched out in front of me to keep me steady.

I was soaked in sweat and tears and I had no idea if the blood on me was even mine.

More than a dozen assassins were dead around me, yet somehow I still hadn't proven myself to her.

"I'm sorry, mother. I'm doing my best." I flinched when she scoffed and kicked my katana closer to me.

I could see my reflection in it and grimaced. My hair was sticky with blood and it dripped down my face from my forehead and nose. I looked awful.

"This is not how I've raised you, Damian, Grandson of the demon head. This is not how I expect my son to act. We don't flee from a fight. You fight till you die. Get up, beloved. Get up and fight."

My body was aching. I just wanted to rest and sleep, but I couldn't let her down. I wouldn't. Not again.

Losing meant a trip to the Lazarus pit. It meant failure and disgrace. I had to keep going. Even if my body screamed at me to stop. I had to get up.

With a shaky hand, I picked my weapon back up and slowly stood. I wiped the blood from my face and looked up at her. "Yes, mother."

I turned just as a new group of assassins entered the training ring, lifting my katana up and taking a fighting stance.

I wouldn't let her down again.

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Damian's POV

My body jerked and my eyes shot open, focusing on the ceiling above me.

What? Where am I? I must've fallen asleep.

I groaned and rubbed my face, wincing when I felt a tender spot on my cheek and the side of my mouth.

"What the-" my eyes widened before I just closed them again. "Oh." My spare with Jason.

I remembered coming to my room and just crying. I hadn't cried in...we'll I don't think I've actually cried since I was too young to even talk.

At least no one had seen that.

I turned, rolling onto my side and looking out the window. It was dark out now and I figured everyone was already out on patrol.

Why didn't they wake me?

The thought made my chest clench and I gasped in a breath. Did they think I wasn't good enough after I lost to Jason?

No, stop thinking like that! You're the grandson of Ras AL Ghul! Heir to the league of assassins. Emotionless and unbeatable...a failure and a fake.

I gasped again, grabbing my head as I shook. "Shut up. Stop it! You're wrong!"

I felt fresh tears form in my eyes and squeezed them shut, covering my ears with my hands. "You're wrong."

My voice shook and cracked as I spoke, making me feel so small. I hated it. I hated feeling small, but the voice in my head had gotten good at making me feel that way.

I wasn't just an Al Ghul, I was a Wayne. Even if I wasn't the best, I was still important. Important to my team, to my family.

Right?

My eyes opened slowly and I just stared at the wall, trying to catch my breath as my chest heaved. "I'm not a failure. I'm Damian Wayne. I'm Robin."

You're weak. You couldn't even beat Todd. You let his words affect you. You're crying like a baby. What would your mother think of you right now? Pathetic. Useless. A disgrace to the Al Ghul name.

"No! Shut up! Stop it! Please...please." What started as a yell, slowly became a broken sob as I curled up tighter, hugging myself.

I'd expected the voice to continue, but to my relief it was silenced. At least for now. If only just for a little while.

Sighing heavily in defeat, I closed my eyes again, trying to shake all of the different things I was feeling and just go back to sleep.

I'd be fine in the morning. I just needed some sleep.