I like it how when one major event happens it's always accompanied by other more or less overwhelming events. You lose your job once and suddenly all the colleagues become people you used to work with. So now I'm supposed to find another circle? Quit this niche little universe that I've created here?
Warmer weather makes me feel easier. I don't like how sweaters feel so I'm freezing most of the times in winter. I think short sleeved t-shirts are part of my natural form at this point. As a teenager I used to skip school a lot. Winter made time pass much slower. Fortunately I lived far away from my school and walking to school and back killed a lot of time. I'm not sure why I walked specifically to my school when I had no intention of going inside, but I would kill to be in that good of a shape. Sometimes my phone wasn't charged enough so I checked the time from bus stop clock. Street feels less welcoming when your hands are freezing right?
Took me couple of years but I found two people that made me feel comfortable enough to express myself. To be exact, she found me herself. It didn't take much from my side, I just had to be as open-minded as I always was. Ann was just adopted from a different city as a teenager. She just moved to capital. I knew that I would never understand what she was going through and I respected it. My school had this event where deaf kids were teaching sign language. Exactly, sounds like something you will tell yourself you would voluntarily go to, but find a good excuse not to. Not sitting alone at the desk felt surreal. Meeting somebody new was refreshing, even when I lost event's free food card. It earned me a right to say that I didn't go there to eat for free or to feel good about myself after all.
I'm not sure how I met Nancy. She always seemed to be there, but I never had a chance to meet her. She looked like someone who had her shit together and honestly it intimidated me. I only talked to her once prior Ann. She was talking about the book she just read and I was fascinated by how genuine she sounded. It took us some time to connect.
Car guy
Jim Morrison. I met this guy through Jim Morrison. We argued all the time. I still took my time to respond accordingly. No mutual friends, I didn't even know what he looked like and it didn't really matter. None of us cared enough about each other to compromise. No matter how silly the argument is proving a point gets you high. Can't expect yourself to be gentle or to filter your words when you're chasing a high, that's what made it all special. In couple of months this stranger witnessed me being vulnerable, mad, bubbly, defensive. I opened up. It felt nice to have a space to write everything as it was. I found myself telling him about things that happened at school. I introduced her to Ann. He knew about Nancy but it didn't feel right to talk much about her.
Nancy
The only person whose number I knew by heart besides my mom. I'm not going to give myself much credit here, it was very easy to remember. A lot of zeroes. She has this cutest button nose and straightest teeth I have ever seen. She lets me rest my head on her chest. That's how we usually sit. I know passcode to her phone because I use it more than her. I've seen all the pictures she has in her phone, because it's mainly me and Ann. I know all the songs she has on there, because we have exactly the same taste and some of them are mine written for her. I never cared much for school so I used my notebooks for doodling and writing, she helped me pass classes.
I stopped skipping school so much. Summers were confusing. I looked and dressed the same for a long time.
