Tangled Hearts

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Pia

Hi love,

I honestly don't know kung anong sasabihin ko o kung bakit ako sumulat sa'yo. Maybe I did this because I cannot tell this to you in person, hindi ko kasi alam kung kaya ko na makita ka. I wanted you to know na ang sakit, ang sakit sakit ng ginawa mo sa akin. Galit ako sa'yo, pero hindi ko kayang magalit ng matagal. Ganyan kita kamahal, handa akong patawarin ka, pero sa pagkakataong ito, hindi ko pa kaya. Siguro sa susunod, pero hindi ko alam kung kelan.

I don't know if you need to know this but, I wanted to let you know that you took everything from me. The past couple of months I always ask myself anong problema? Anong mali sa akin? Saan ako nagkulang? Hindi ko alam kung anong kulang sa akin, kasi binigay ko naman lahat eh, binigay ko lahat ng kaya kong ibigay sa'yo Pia. Minahal kita sa paraang alam ko, minahal kita kung paano ka dapat mahalin. Everyday I am asking myself, na baka ako talaga ang nagkulang, na baka ako talaga ang may kasalanan kung bakit ka nawala sa akin. Na kasalanan ko kung bakit mo s'ya pinapasok ulit sa buhay mo, kasi kung hindi ako nagkulang hindi ka maghahanap. Pero ano nga ba talaga? Gustong gusto kong itanong sa'yo ito pero at the same time ayaw ko, kasi takot ako, takot ako sa katotohanan na nagkulang talaga ako sa'yo.

Before that night, I honestly have a hunch about what is happening for the last few months that you always stood me up on our dates. But I just shrugged it off, you know why? Because I trust you, I know you wouldn't do the same mistake your ex did. But then, you proved me wrong. You did exactly what he did to you back then, I don't know what your reason is or if you have one, but what I know is I am never enough. I will never be enough for you because if I am, there will be no him. There will be no going behind my back, I sure do know that you know how painful it is. How painful to keep doubting yourself, doubting your worth, giving all the love you have, yet they still hurt you the way you never expected. The sleepless nights, the world you built crumbling before your eyes, the dreams you build, the future you hold.

The moment you read this letter I am on the other side of the world. Hindi ko kayang magtagal pa dito sa Pinas, I needed to get out, not for us but for myself. I need to leave because I am starting to lose myself. I'm losing myself when all I do is love you unconditionally. I already lost you, and I don't wanna lose myself too. Maybe this is not the right time, maybe we did fall in love at the wrong time. I always wanted your happiness, your happiness comes first before mine. If he can make you happy so be it. They say some people will come and go, and some people will stay no matter what. I think I know where we both belong, we are just a part of each other's life and not meant to stay. Maybe in another life, love.

I love you, Sophia Cameron Luna, always have and always will.

Yours,
Sam

After I read Sam's letter, hindi na maubos ang luha ko sa pagtulo, this letter was written right before she left. Bawat letra ramdam ko ang sakit, ramdam ko ang bigat, ramdam ko ang hirap n'ya. The moment she left Philippines I knew I lost her, I knew she won't be my Samantha  anymore.

Sa mga nagdaang taon maraming nangyari, I lost myself and the woman I love, but sabi nga nila kapag may umalis, may darating. After ko maaksidente Paulo went home with his wife and kids. Samara and Sophie are my nieces, anak ng bunsong kapatid ko na si Paulo.

Samara is the oldest one, eight years old, napakasweet na bata, she wanted to be next to me always, clingy, sobrang protective, at gusto n'ya na tabi kami natutulog. Si Sophie ay six years old, makulit, just like what you would expect sa batang nasa edad n'ya at matakaw din, mana sa tatay n'ya.