Disarray [H.S.]

Chapter Twenty Six

God, I hope he doesn't perceive me.

Harry laid his head back down on my chest placing a kiss on my collarbone.

I wonder if he felt the shiver that just ran through me.

My hand continued its path through his hair and I was almost asleep again until the yelling started again.

"Okay," Harry got out of bed, walked across the room to his bag and grabbed a pair of sweatpants.

I had forgotten he was just in his briefs so watching him walk across the room in only them lit a flame inside of me that I thought had burned out long ago.

How is it possible for a person to have thighs that look like that?

He turned around to face me, bending down to step into the holes of his sweatpants and pulling them up to his waist.

A part of me kind of wishes he stayed facing his back towards me.

He reached into his bag once more and grabbed a t- shirt to throw on as well.

"Gonna go brush my teeth and then see what's got Claire going feral out there," He tells me, running his fingers through his hair.

"I'll be right behind you," I told him while pushing myself to sit against the headboard.

Harry left the room, leaving me by myself to take a moment to think about last night.

I hate, absolutely hate constantly thinking about Ryan, but I can't help it. Last night was the first time since Ryan that I've shared a bed with anyone. Well, besides Louis. But that was always in the instance that I happened to fall asleep watching a movie, and I'd always wake up a bit later and then go to my own bed.

But last night, that was a big step for me. I can't help but remember what it was like the last time I shared the bed with my boyfriend, and how horrible it was each time.

This was nothing close to the realm of horrible.

Then, I woke up feeling shame and regret.

Now, I wake up feeling safe and secure.

What a difference.

It's such a strange feeling to go from being so dark all the time to finally feeling some light. And it's so crazy how quickly life can completely change.

This time two years ago, I was in a relationship with someone who I wish I'd never met. This time one year ago, I was broken and alone, so humiliated and couldn't stand to show my face at school. And just a few months ago, I was in a place so dark that I had almost ended it all.

How It Almost Ended is absolutely terrifying to think about. I was really there. I was really going to do it. I was relieved. I was ready.

And now here I am, months later with a new purpose in life, happy to be here, wanting to be here. It's insane to me to think about.

It almost hurts too much to think about, actually.

So rather than staying here in bed, forced to think about where I was, I decided to finally get up. I quickly changed into a pair of loose shorts and threw on a tank top before running a brush through my hair.