Anidita : Broken Strings

Introspection

"Bahut der na ho jaye" "Woh pyaar Manorama thi?" The words kept ringing in his ears as he was walking, unconscious of where he was heading. He stood near the door of the room Manorama and he were sharing. She was sleeping on a chair. She maybe slept doing her work, whatever she was planning. Anirudh didn't bother about it. But he looked at her, evaluating his decision.

He went to his study. Closing the door, he went towards the window. The moonlight lit up the dark room. He looked at the clear sky. Beautiful crescent moon, and uncountable stars. On any normal day, the beauty of the night sky would have calmed his mind, but not today. He remembered the days when he would sit in his chair, tensed and Bondita would come to him and they would look at the stars. He felt her absence. He closed his eyes and sighed. He did not know what to do. He sat with his knees close to his chest near the window.
The curtains flew owing to the breeze. Was he being selfish? Was Somnath right when he said that he married Manorama being blinded by his own assumptions and not really caring about what impact it might have on his little companion?

In any case, was getting married again an option? No. It definitely wasn't. Anirudh needed to realise his mistake but he couldn't figure out the answer.

'Sorry for hurting you Bondita' He muttered under his breath. His inner self  opposed him on this. "You're doing what you want and all you are saying is Sorry? That too not to her face, just to get weight off your chest. You think a simple Sorry can really clean the mess that is created? You married Manorama because you like her. Not because you wanted Bondita to improve. And whenever you feel guilty, in the middle of the drama, you say sorry and carry on. What it would be like, taking Bondita's responsibility, you knew that. She became your wife, though you didn't want it. But that was the truth. And you are not supposed to cheat on your wife; how you got married doesn't matter. You think you are very responsible taking decisions for Bondita by yourself? You're not a true Gentleman you used to be. You really left your childhood love whom you were going to propose to fulfill Bondita's responsibility. You didn't marry her even when Saudamini played mind games and made up stories to get you to belive that everyone thinks she's characterless. You didn't marry her. But you're not the same Anirudh you used to be. You changed. You saw a girl in the market, you liked her, she proposed you to marry her for her mission and you agreed? Mr. Roy Chowdhury, Did you get swayed by her bea..."

"BAS!" He screamed pressing his hands on his ears to stop the voice.
"Mere iraadon par kaise shaq kar sakte ho? Har baar jab Bondita ko maine 2 mein se 1 cheez ko chunne ko kaha hai tab mera uske peechhe ek hi maqsad raha hai. Bondita ko main hostel kyun bhej raha hoon? Mujhe dukh nahi ho raha? Uske bhavishya ke liye hai yeh. Shayad Manorama... Shayad wahan woh ek pal ke liye mujhe pasand aayi thi, toh? Main insaan nahi hoon? Aakarshan aur pyaar mein fark nahi? Aakarshak ho sakta hai kisi insaan ka vyaktitva. Lekin kya woh aakarshan mujhe itna andha bana dega ki main uske liye apne parivaar ko itna dukhi karu? Apni zimmedariyan chhodu? Nahi! Maine jo kiya hai woh Bondita ke liye kiya hai. Manorama ki madad iss liye li, ki usey bhi meri madad ki zarurat thi. Itna swarthi nahi hoon main. Bondita se mera rishta Pati-patni wala nahi hai, lekin uski zimmedaari uthane ke liye rishte ko naam dena pada. Duniya ke liye aaj meri patni hai. Aur main bhi iss sach ko maanta hoon. Aur Bondita ki jo jagah hai, woh kisi aur ko main nahi de sakta. Manorama ke saath mera rishta bas ek natak hai. Bondita hostel chali jaye, yeh natak khatam ho jayega."

"Everything is getting clearer to me now."  His alter ego said, resting his hand on the chair. "You never really accepted that Bondita was your wife, did you? Tumhare liye iss shadi mein kuch galat hoga bhi kaise. Apne mann ko manane ke liye kuch bhi bol rahe ho tum Ani.." He was cut off by a pillow that landed on his head. Anirudh saw him disappear the very next moment.

The words he said, were in his ears, clattering together, making him uncomfortable. He pressed his palms against his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. The loud silence was still piercing his head. The sounds slowly went away as he removed his hands from his ears.

He sat there, recalling the incidents in a sequence. Them leaving the house together, Anirudh meeting Manorama, them going back to the haveli, meeting Manorama again. Bondita's demands, Manorama's proposal, His denial and then the marriage and the reactions received to it. 
He sat there like a statue. Stared at nothing. He had to pay a big price for going to live in streets like normal people, with normal people. Because that was where all this was fed into Bondita's head. He remembered Bondita making a hole from the rolled dough and looking at him. Feeling her heartbeat. Feeding him a lot of food, lot more than he usually eats. Dancing with vermillion on her cheeks. The thought, the memory brought a little smile on his face. The little dancing Bondita. Was it even her fault? Or she's being punished for no reason. Definitely, the latter one. That is how kids are. They believe what they're told. They don't know the cruelty of the world. They don't yet have their own perspectives to various topics formed. They need to be taught and trained for that. And it takes time. The entirety of the childhood is but just a process of growth. Of body and mind. You choose what you want to believe when you grow up. And Bondita, she is still in her childhood. The childhood that she wasn't even able to completely celebrate being married off.
And what Anirudh had done was just making things worse for Bondita. Her childhood that she was just starting to live, going to school, studying was snatched away again with the sudden shock of the second marriage of her Biristra Babu.

Aniruddh felt the guilt. He was frustrated. With tears threatening to spill out at any moment from his eyes, he buried his head between his knees and chest. He wanted to cry. Cry his heart out. But the tears dried up. And he couldn't. He felt that the decision he took was probably a mistake. But could it be undone now? The next day was the final day. When the tree of the decision that has grown will bear the fruit. It was going to be sweet and bitter. Sweet for the academics of Bondita (as Aniruddh thinks) and bitter that they will have the misunderstanding between them forever.
But is the sweetness really sweet? Will the wound heal or will it be everlasting? Broken relationships are not easy to handle. They exhaust people emotionally.
And probably the scar will last forever.

But what now?
Aniruddh decided that he would end it the next day after Bondita leaves for Hostel. He'd tell everyone that the marriage was nothing but just a contract.

Will people believe it? Probably not. But Aniruddh has never cared what people think. Will his family believe him? Forgive him? Over everything else, will he lose Bondita because of this decision?
Decision to carry on putting up the drama even after realising its cons. Will Somnath be proved right?

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Hellloooo Lovelieeesss!!!
So, first of all, I'm realllyyy sorry for all the wait. Honestly, what I lacked was motivation, because this track was over long long ago. Even Barrister Babu went off air long ago. So I lost the track when the schools reopened.
But now I just want to complete this book so that all of you can finally stop waiting. It's awful to wait that much, I know. :{ This is unedited chapter. Tell me of you liked it or if you didn't. Up for criticism, not for hate. That's not my job. That really affects so I hope you refrain from being harsh with your words. Towards anyone. Not just me but everyone.
Also I thought of plots for BTS fanfictions which are good I guess but honestly, I'm not thinking of posting anywhere because I'm so irregular with updates. No reader deserves that much wait :'(
Thank you guys for Hanging on. You're the best. Ily 💖