The Audacity

Dearest husband,

I can't believe you.  I am still in a state of shock.  After all these years together, all the moments we've shared, and you can't do one simple thing.  One.  Simple.  Thing. 

How dare you.  It's not like I don't do anything for you.  I cook, I clean (everything), I buy you clothes, I support you in all of your shenanigans.  I asked for one thing in return.  One.  Simple.  Thing.

And don't act like you're sitting there, reading this, having no idea what I'm talking about.  Oh, you know, you bastard.  And the worst part of it all?  You got what you wanted.  As always.  Yup. 

Although I suppose it's a little bit my fault too; my naivety.  There we were, strolling through the grocery store as all lovers do.  We started in the produce aisle where we kissed as we departed to pick up our separate items: you got the apples, cilantro, and the sunflower seeds, while I got the potatoes, the onions, and the mandarins.  We cheerfully carried on, picking up some deli meats, pita bread, and hummus.  Then we got to the snack aisle, and there they were - my sour cream and onion Lay's chips.  Mmm mmm, my mouth is salivating as I write this letter to you.  My favorite chips of all time — oh they joyous times we've shared eating these chips together, lickin our fingers and merrily laughing away as we binge-watched Will & Grace, or plowing through whole bags of the delicacy as we drank wine and gossiped about the bitches next door.

But apparently those times meant nothing to you.  Apparently I was the only one who cherished our Lay's sour cream and onion chips moments.  Because we go through the check-out aisle of the grocery store, my little heart aflutter in anticipation of the night to come.  The grocery-lady bags all of our food, hands us the bags, and hand-in-hand we skip back to our apartment.  We go through the door, turn on the lights, plop the bags down and eagerly mention various shows that we can binge-watch that night. 

We were happily singing along to tunes of the Sound of Music and dancing around the kitchen as we placed all our items in their rightful places.  Then you took off to the living room to find a show.  I was so excited until — wait — the bags were empty — where were the Lay's sour cream and onion chips?  I didn't remember putting away the Lay's sour cream and onions chips.  I looked around, my breathing intensified, sweat started to gather upon my brow, but then I thought: oh, surely, my wonderful darling husband must've already taken them out and brought them to the living room when I wasn't looking.  So cute, oh how I love him so.

So I poured our glasses of wine, walked into the living room, and saw no Lay's sour cream and onion chips.  Where were the Lay's sour cream and onion chips?  I knew, I knew I put them in our basket as went down that snack aisle!  But what did you say to me when I asked you?  "What chips?"  You said to me; what chips?!  I pretended I didn't hear you and asked again, but struggled to keep my hands steady as you said that you didn't know what I was talking about.

But here's what I couldn't believe: I told you I put them on the conveyor belt, and you sit there and have to think for a moment, then you tell me: "oh those chips?"  THOSE chips?!  And then you said "I thought they were someone else's, so I left them there."

Oh yes, you deserved those glasses of wine straight into the face.  You deserved my ranting and raving.  You.  Forgot.  The.  Lay's.  Sour.  Cream.  And.  Onion.  Chips!  You had never hurt me more — all the joy those chips bring us!  All the laughter, the tears, the love, the drama!  Here I was, thinking that it was our special little thing, but no.  No — it meant nothing to you.  I felt like my heart was ripped out and thrown onto the ground, stomped on, shit on, and kicked into a gutter, where it swam with the shit down into — I don't know, a really shitty place. 

So: one simple thing.  You couldn't have bought put the chips that you know I love, that you love (or at least I thought you did) you couldn't have just pushed them onto the conveyor belt, could you?  You had to go break my heart like that?  I will never forget this.  I will move on, I will forgive, but I will never forgot.

Sincerely,
Your husband

PS - No I will not buy you a new shirt.