Red vs Blue recreation male oc

Don't Get Me Started

A radio sounds.

Sarge: Command! Come in, Command! This is Blood Gulch Outpost-... wait... I mean, Simmons, what's the name of this place again?

Simmons: Valhalla.

Sarge: Valhaldagir-jangle-callit... thingy... Outpost Number One! Do you read? Come in! I need advisement on what to do about Blue Team!

Simmons: What are you doing?

Grif: What do you mean, what am I doing? We have two enemys here. We can milk this for years!

Sarge: No, Blue Team! (slowly) Ba-lue...

Caboose waltzes up to Simmons  Alex and south and Grif, who fail to notice him. He looks back and forth between who's talking.

Grif: If we beat them, Command will just send us to some new base, where we have to fight a real team.

Simmons: So?

Alex:  So!? Do you want to fight one shitty enemy, or five real enemies?

Sarge: B-L-U-E. Blue! Try lookin' under "suck it!"

Grif: You want me to help you subtract one from five? I know that's tough for you.

Simmons: Shut up.

Caboose: Hey guys.

South: Hey Caboose.

Simmons: What are you doing here!?

Caboose: Just gettin' parts from the crashed ship. What are you guys up to?

Grif: We're deciding whether or not to kill you and wipe out your team forever.

Alex: And burn your remains.

Caboose: Ah. Sounds tough.

Grif: We're kinda splittin' the decision right now.

Caboose: Do I get a vote?

Simmons: No! G-Get back to your base! Stop wandering around during your defeat. It's confusing!

Caboose: Oh! Okay. Sorry! (begins to head back towards his base)

Simmons: And what are you  guys workin' on?

Caboose: Still not telling you!

South: You really want to know what he's working on it's probably dumb 

Sarge: Hello? Hello? Hello? They hung up on me!

Simmons: Why?

Sarge: They said they didn't even have record of a Blue Team. Nothing on Blues at all in their computer system.

South: Why would they oh ya that.

Simmons: Oh. ... Ohhhh!

Sarge: What?

Simmons: We deleted them, remember? From Command computers. We wiped them out.

Sarge: We did?

Simmons: Yeah, don't you remember?

Sarge: Ohhh, right.

Cuts to a flashback. Grif and Sarge are standing behind Simmons, who is looking at a computer.

Sarge: Simmons, execute the hypotenuse initiative, and delete the Blues.

Simmons: (presses a switch) Done! The Blues now never existed. I also upgraded your pay scale while I was at it.

Sarge: Well deserved.

Grif: Yeah, we win!

Sarge cocks his shotgun and shoots Grif in the head. Grif falls over.

Grif: Blarg! I am dead, but that's okay, I don't deserve to enjoy victory. My life has meant nothing.

Sarge: What a great day! Simmons, transform into Motorcycle Mode.

Simmons: [monotone] You got it, sir. (begins changing into a motorcycle) Choop choop choop choop choop! Beep beep!

Sarge: Let's get out of here. (hops on motorcycle-Simmons and drives outside) Yee-haw!

Caboose: I wish I was on the Red Team, don't you Jenkins?

Jenkins: Absolutely.

End flashback.

Grif: That's not what happened!

Sarge: Of course it is.

Grif: Then how am I still alive?

Sarge: I ask myself that question every day. (pauses) Moto-Simmons! Run him over.

Alex: I don't think Will's name is Jenkins.