The Chaos of a Broken Soul

Chapter Nine

"I'm also single. What is this complicated relationship?" The professor answered, wanting to know where she stood.

"Maybe when I know you a little better, I will explain." Leonore said, reaching her sharing limit.

They regarded each other and sat in a comfortable silence, both feeling at ease with each other. Leonore was surprised at this and how easily she let her in, normally it takes longer to trust someone. But with the professor she was no longer afraid, feeling safe with her and this still alarmed her a little. Maybe it was because she showed Leonore a part of herself with the book and telling her why it was her favourite book. However, she did feel all this when she first met her, but her fear wouldn't allow her to accept it and now she had allowed herself to truly feel the connection. Leonore had a strong desire to hold and kiss her, wanting to feel like she belonged and feel less lonely. But she knew she couldn't and had to go slow, despite it killing her not to have her.

"Understandable. So, Desert of the Heart?" The professor asked, understanding there were limits.

"Yes, you said you liked it." Leonore answered, wanting to know what she thought of it and curious of her opinion.

"Yes, I did. I very much liked the imagery and the existential thinking of Evelyn. The book was very psychology orientated and has a life lesson in it. However, I am more interested in why you like it and the story behind it." The professor replied, wanting to know her more.

"I love the existential thinking and the delving into the psychological imperfections and thinking. The way Evelyn blames herself for her husband's unhappiness and thinking she is incapable of loving someone. That she is toxic to people in her life, and I know that feeling and have the same thinking. Then there is Ann, who could love the whole damned world and has issues with committing to anyone. Seeing the immorality of the world, but still loving it and finding comfort in the desert with its emptiness and loneliness. Then the two come together and despite Evelyn not knowing what real love was and Ann not wanting to be anchored to anyone, they fall in love with each other. Though being completely aware of their issues they have and learning with each other to overcome them together, knowing their relationship wasn't going to be easy. I feel like maybe there is hope for me and there is someone for me who can help me as if these two very different people could try to get passed their issues so could I. My life quote is "I live in the desert of the heart. I can't love the whole damned world." I can't just love anyone and if I do love someone, it is only them. I view life as a desert, vast and lonely, I find comfort in the loneliness and prefer it to the chaos of the world. However, once in a while someone comes along and reminds me that the world isn't such a bad place. That you are not alone, and the safety of the desert isn't as perfect as it seems, wanting to join the chaos of the world. Well until they leave, and you run back to the safety of the desert to protect yourself from the cruelty of the world, to start healing again. I'm sorry I probably don't make sense." Leonore said, trying to explain her love for the book and what she got from it.

"In the desert of the heart, let the healing fountain start." The professor said absentmindedly.

"In the prison of his days, Teach the free man how to praise." Leonore said, finishing the final lines of the poem.

"Mmm, W.H. Auden in the memory of W.B. Yeats and yes, you do make sense." The professor replied, impressed by Leonore.

The professor got up and came closer to Leonore, sitting on the small table, she reached out and ran her thumb over her lips. Just as she was leaning in to kiss Leonore the phone rang making them jump. She answered it and was annoyed with the person at the other end for ruining the moment. But she was kind of glad as she had a strong desire to kiss Leonore and claiming her for her own. Leonore got up and signalled that she was leaving, and the professor put her hand up to stop her. The professor agreed to something and hung up the phone.