A thousand bad times - Post Malone

Thirteen

"I take it you found the clothing."

"Yes and you can take it back. We do not need it."

"Do you have clothing? Besides the crap that is in your bag."

"No."

"Do you have the means to buy clothing anytime soon?"

"No."

"Would you do everything in your power to make sure the people you love have everything they need?"

"I can see what you are trying to do. But it does not change anything, we can't keep accepting your charity."

Austin looks at Holi for a moment then he stands and walks up to her, standing really close so she has to crane her head up to look at him.

"It's not charity. I will not get into a deep discussion with you about it because you already know that. I will not take the clothing back, you will use it simply because you have no other choice...unless you want to wear these again," he says pointing to her very dirty shirt. Her pride wants her to stamp on his foot and push him away while insisting that she can get clothing for them on her own but then he is speaking again and his words finish her, "I know you can make a plan on your own, you are a strong woman, Holi. The strongest woman I have ever met. But you don't have to do it all alone anymore. I am here...I love you."

He knows her too well it seems, knows what to say to get her to pack her ego away. She reaches up and gives him a chase kiss then pulls back, "ok. Thank you," she says and walks off. Halfway down the passage she stops and shouts back towards the kitchen.

"Austin!"

"Yes!"

"I love you too!"

She then hears Austin laughing, that belly laugh that he does. He is happy and today is going to be just fine.

She spent a long time in the shower hoping that the hot water will seep into her muscles and loosen them. It's strange how life works. She has spent her whole life building a tough exterior - physically and mentally, but just a few nights in the lap of luxury, physically and mentally, and she is soft, letting the streets take a beating on her. But humans were never made to sleep on the streets, to live a life of pain. We crave family, we crave the need to be important, and know if you disappear tomorrow you will be missed and her absence will be felt. Holi has that now...but she does not let herself linger too much on the thought because being completely open scares her. She could lose all this in a second.

Eventually, she gets out and dries herself then wrapping the towel around her she goes back to the bed to get an outfit for the day. But she is suddenly overwhelmed. There is so much, so much clothing. The clothing is nothing insane like those models wear on the runway or anything like that, it's just normal clothing like jeans, t-shirts, jumpers...it's just that there is so much. There is a pile of ten jeans - black, dark blue, light blue, white, ripped, not ripped...she has never had more than one or two options so now that she can actually choose what to wear based on how she feels and not just on availability leaves her not sure what the fuck to do. Like it really matters if she put on black jeans or blue jeans.

She feels Austin's hands slide around her waist from behind her then he plants a kiss on her bare shoulder, "you ok?" he asks softly. She turns in his arms and looks up at him, he is smiling softly at her and cocks his head slightly like he is trying to work out what's going on in her mind without her actually saying it. Holi suspects he is getting good at reading her mind and knows what she is thinking without telling him. But Austin is good at gently nudging and not shoving her so she knows he will wait until she speaks...till she is ready to speak.