empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter thirteen // casting

Both Hange and Armin paled at the thought. I could sense their unease as if it was written across their faces. Armin's face became consumed with concentration. His mind worked around my statement to make sense of the possible meanings it could possess. Hange abruptly stood up from the table, their chair scraping across the floor as they retreated.

"This is not good," they said. "This is really not good."

Without another word, they rushed out of the room. I was left alone with Armin, who was buried beneath a steady flow of questions and assumptions. His hair fell into his face, so I could not see his eyes or interpret what he was thinking. I wondered if I should leave as well, but something was pressing me further into my wooden seat. I tried to combat it with reasoning, but it did not waver.

Frustrated with myself, I tossed my head back and groaned.

"Y/n?"

My head snapped back so fast I became dizzy.

"I'm sorry if it seemed like I was dismissing you earlier," Armin apologized, genuine desperation bleeding into his words. "I don't want you to leave thinking I'm holding any ill-will towards you."

"Are you okay?" It was a question that had been on my mind since I left him.

Are you okay even though Eren left you? Are you okay even though Annie is gone? Are you okay even though I fucked everything up?

He hesitated, looking deeply for what answer I wanted to hear. There were so many things plaguing him right now. Hitch had said that one of those things was loneliness. There was nothing I could relate to more.

"I can't give you a simple answer for that question, but overall, no. Things are not okay. I can't see Eren, a man just died, and you're-" He stopped. I waited, but he didn't follow up.

The quietness did not sit well, but it filled the entire space. I waited patiently for him to open himself up to me, but he blocked off any connection. I watched him tentatively, noting any movement. I felt the pit expand before me until I could not see where it ended. It became clear that he would not let me in further than that.

"I'll go." The words tumbled out before I had even considered them. It seemed like the right decision.

I gripped the table and stood up from my wooden chair. I slipped past Armin towards the door. I wondered if the right time to bring up what I knew would ever come. I wondered if this was the last time I would ever have the opportunity to bring it up.

Fingers wrapped themselves around my wrist.

"You win, y/n. Just. Please. Don't leave yet."

I smiled to myself. A part of me had hoped that he would prevent me from leaving. We had been in this exact situation once over two months ago. Armin threatened to leave me to my humbled solitude, and something shattered inside me. As I watched him walk away, I was ripped away from the safest place I've ever known. The fear of vulnerability was simply an afterthought.

"Then tell me what the fuck is going on," I demanded. I was exhausted from shying away from this conversation.

"Okay. I'm sorry," he said as he tried to piece himself back together. His bashful expression shifted into one of scheming. His conniving smile promised trouble for both of us. I knew it all too well and I was torn between stepping back or drawing closer. "You want to know what I've been hiding, right? I guess I can expect as much from you. You're searching deep for information that will benefit you. It's not hard to figure out what you want to know. Excuse me for being reluctant, it's because I know exactly who you are."

A fastened tether snapped. Every instinct I'd built after years of fighting for my secrets had me moments away from darting out the door. My muscles grew tight with tension as the hand on my wrist began to feel like a shackle. It anchored me to the battle I was trying so fiercely to elude.

"And who am I?" I whispered, my voice soft but challenging. I was a perfect sculpture of indifference. I was a rock that would not move. No matter how hard the waves crashed, I would not crumble.

Armin raised an eyebrow at me and I returned it with a wicked grin of my own. I would fight until the very end.

Not long from now, I would fall into the carefully cast role of the antagonist. The directors, Eren and Zeke, held all the cards. During the meeting I had with Yelena, she made it clear that our performance would bring an end to the centuries of hostility between Marley and Eldia. The road leading up to that would be hell that even Armin couldn't predict. In due time, he would see. After the lights went out and the masks came off, he would understand the sacrifices necessary to restore humanity. However, if I told him all that was forecasted, he would experience much worse than a dagger to the heart. He would do everything in his power to stop me, and we would be each other's downfall.

Something much larger than the two of us was approaching. The night of drinking and suggestive dancing was something I had not anticipated to be a turning point in Yelena's pursuit. My intentions were simply to exact revenge and steal hearts, not launch a full-scale revolt. I figured the effects of my impulsiveness would end after I left Armin's bed, but it never went away. My heartbreak had spiraled into something that no longer involved me, something much more pivotal.

Who was I in Armin's mind?

I didn't find out that day because Jean burst through the door before Armin could answer. The door emphatically smacked the wall so hard that both Armin and I jumped. His fingers dropped from my wrist, but the feeling of pressure lingered.

"Shit, I've been looking everywhere for you guys," Jean huffed, trying desperately to catch his breath. His hair was misconstrued, posing in various directions. His eyes were wild like an animal. Jean wasn't known for keeping a clean-cut appearance, but this was pushing those limits.

"What happened?" I asked, a sudden feeling of apprehension rising in my chest.

Jean glanced between us, choking on his words. "Floch, he and uh- Eren. Eren's gone."

The corner of my mouth curved up.

"What about Eren?" Armin demanded.

Jean planted his hands on both sides of the door frame to steady himself. His panicked expression turned serious.

"Eren escaped."