the other half of me - family first (chaselyn) sequel

fourteen

Madelyns pov
Even though Ellie has been back with us for close to a month, she still hasn't told me everything. I know her too well, I know there's a reason deeper than 'living well without us'. I just know she'll be too afraid to tell us. Chase was heading down to the beach with Cooper and all the kids whilst Liv was practicing surfing whilst me and Els had a mother/daughter day planned so I thought I could speak to her about it all. Now was the perfect time.

"Talk to me Els" I say, straight up yet gently. She looks at me, confused. "Huh?" She says. "I know you well enough to know you haven't told me the real reason why you avoided us" I tell her and she just sighs. "How did you know?" She asks. "You're my best friend, Els. I know you better than pretty much anyone" I say and it was true, ever since the day I met little Ellie - we instantly connected. "What if it upsets you?" She says. I expected this so at least I was a little bit prepared. "That's fine, you can still tell me" I say and she nods. "Nobody knows this... not even Coop or Zoe" she says and takes a deep breathe.

"After Charlie was born I got into a bad depression. I knew all too well how to hide it from people around me. I was good at hiding my feelings away from people. Except you and Dad." She says quietly yet loud enough for me to hear clearly. I just nod, give her a gentle smile and allow her to continue. "It got serious - I suppose. I was back to doing things I done when I was a teen. I felt stupid and I still do. I'm in my 20s... it's embarrassing. I was in such a bad place Mom. Yet I was too embarrassed to tell anyone so I kept it to myself. I knew if you or Dad had one word with me that you'd both instantly know something was up. And I didn't want people knowing" she tells me.

"You know me and your Dad would've cared for you and helped you though" I say, comforting her. "I know, I don't know why but I was just too ashamed. I fought so hard to get out of that dark place I was in but I found myself right back where I was just a couple years prior" she say, breaking down. I instantly engulf her in a hug, allow her to catch her breathe. "It's so hard Mom" she says into my chest. "I can't be a Mom" she says and my heart broke. This wasn't what I expected from her, I knew she was struggling again but I didn't know it was as much as this.

"You definitely can. Watching you with Mila and Charlie makes me so proud, you're amazing with them and they adore you" I say, truthfully. She was a great Mom and Mila and Charlie were so lucky to have her. "It's breaking me Mom. I need a break" she says, looking at me hopelessly. "Baby, it's normal to feel this way. You're a great Mom though. I promise you that" I say. "Will you help me get better...again?" She asks and I nod, kissing her forehead. "I'm proud of you for asking me" I tell her. Ellie as a teenager would never of been able to ask that, she might not realise but she's grown a lot.

"Don't tell anyone though, please. Not yet anyways" she says and I promise her. "Just because you're not feeling too great mentally right now, it doesn't mean you're any less strong or a good Mom. You're a person, you're going to go through these ups and downs. Unfortunately for you, you've had a difficult life which involves these things but I promise it'll get better. Even if you are 24, your mental health shouldn't be taken any less serious than when you were 14. Promise me you'll talk to me though, just like the old days?" I say and she holds up her pinky finger.

"I love you so much" I tell her. "That's the real reason I couldn't face coming back here. You're the only one who knows though" she says, resting her head on my shoulder. "You up for a spa day still?" I ask and she smiles. "When am i not?" She says laughing. "You'll always be my first born baby girl. No matter how old you are" I say. I don't think of her as a whole 24 year old adult. She's still baby 14 year old Els to me.

"Spa day it is" We says and get ready to head to the spa. I know a lot of people say they don't have favourite kids but I do. Truthfully, Ellie has always been it. I love all my kids, a hell of a lot. But Ellie and I have lived through so much together and I feel like that bond is closer. She'll always be my baby girl, the little one that sent me photos of her outfits before i even met her. She'll always have my heart.