you are in love / kaylor

three is unlucky

TW: Miscarriage

—

It was nearly silent — the only sound that could be heard was that of the heater warming the air around them and the occasional tapping of fingers on the steering wheel.

The sun was not out, hiding behind several layers of grey, angry looking clouds, mimicking the moods of the two women occupying the front seats.

We're sorry, they said. Sometimes, these things happen. We don't always have an explanation. We can only offer support.

The older blonde blinked back tears as she replayed the heart-wrenching conversation in her mind for what seemed like the hundredth time now. The third time was supposed to be the charm — that's what everyone always says, anyway.

Three was beginning to become unlucky.

"I'm sorry," her voice was faint, barely above a whisper.

The light was red, Karlie's head quickly whipped to the side, looking at the other blonde with concern. "Please," she whispered back, "don't."

Karlie knew it wasn't Taylor's fault. Taylor knew it wasn't Taylor's fault. Yet, those were the only words she could form in the moment.

Taylor looked down at her lap, reaching to her left hand to twirl the ring around her own finger.

Miscarriages happen. They were warned of this when they began the process just three years into marriage. Three tries later, they were successful. Then three months after, it was over. Just like that.

"I don't want you to blame yourself," she spoke softly as she turned into the driveway now, her hand reaching out to rest on her wife's leg. "You heard what they said, there isn't always a reason."

Karlie was holding back tears of her own, now.  Watching the woman she loved more than anything crumble up into pieces in the middle of an exam room, cursing and blaming herself, had her feeling helpless.

Lost.

It was one of the worst feelings, in her opinion.

"We can just," Karlie paused and thought for a moment, "try again."

Try again.

Taylor was tired of hearing those words.

Without a word, she reached down to unbuckle her seatbelt, leaving the car in one quick motion.

With a heavy sigh, Karlie shut the engine off and turned in her seat. The passenger door slammed shut, causing her to flinch.

"Fuck," she yelled, slamming her hand against the steering wheel several times. Her body filled with instant regret as her hand began to sting, the skin immediately turning a bright shade of red.

Taylor had already made it to the front door, reaching into her coat pocket for her set of keys. Her vision was blurred by the tears, her hand shaky. As she reached up to place the key into the hole, she heard the car door slam. She flinched. The keys fell.

"Karlie," she whispered with her eyes shut, not expecting a response.

By the time her wife had joined her on the porch, the front door was half open. The aroma of vanilla and citrus wrapped around them, welcoming them home as they entered.

It was as if this familiar scent pushed a button, opened the gates. They were home. They were alone. They were safe.

"Karlie," Taylor whispered again, her bottom lip trembling this time as she turned to face her wife. Hot tears poured down her cheeks, heavier than they had been before.

"Come on," Karlie whispered, taking Taylor's hand into her own and lacing their fingers together. She lead them through the foyer, past the kitchen, into the living room. The tall woman gently sat on the couch, tugging the other down into her lap. "It'll be okay. We'll be okay."

Karlie wrapped her wife into her arms, their large Nashville home suddenly feeling a lot smaller around them. Emotions had a funny way of doing that, changing perspectives.

Taylor's arms wrapped tightly around her own body, hiccuping as she buried her face into her wife's chest.

This wasn't how this was supposed to go. This was the three month mark. Things were supposed to be getting more exciting. Morning sickness had all, but disappeared. Her energy was up. They were about to tell family. Now, what was there to do? 

The hour came and went, Taylor still curled up in a ball on her wife's lap. The feeling of fingertips lightly moving against her skin slowly calming her down. Her eyes were shut, swollen and puffy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching up to wipe her tears now. She hadn't looked up since taking her position, unaware of the tears that had been freely falling down Karlie's face as well. "I know you're hurting, too."

Taylor chewed on her bottom lip, now finally looking up at her wife. Her heart shattered at the sight.

"I am," Karlie replied, leaning down to press a kiss to the others' forehead, "but I'll be okay. You'll be okay. We'll be okay."

She whole heartedly believed this.

"We'll try again," Taylor whispered, looking directly into her wife's eyes.

Karlie lifted her eyebrow, the sudden change in attitude confusing her, "Are — Are you sure?"

"Eventually. Just," she froze and scrunched her nose, sniffling in the process, "not right now."

"No," Karlie shook her head, as if to agree, "not right now. Maybe this is a sign for us to slow down. Enjoy us a little longer." 

She reached up, moving her fingers through Taylor's hair before tucking some behind her ear. "We'll try again one day. When the time is right. No rush. Let's just get through this first, okay? For your sake. And for mine."

Karlie swallowed hard. This wasn't like the other times. This was going to be much harder and she knew it.

Taylor reached up to wipe her eyes one more time. "I love you," she whispered softly before leaning forward to rest her head against Karlie's shoulder.

"I love you most," Karlie replied, her lips falling to Taylor's hair and lingering after a soft kiss.

—

A/N: good lord it's been 84 years since I've written, but this idea has been burning my brain cells for ages now. I'm very rusty so please be kind if you want to say anything otherwise just sh. thank you <3