Reclaiming Youth | Taegyu

18 | Keeping secrets just to keep you

Silence replaces Yeonjun's blabling as Taehyun just fidgets his fingers and staring at the older, his eyes scared and confused. 

"It's just a question Tyun, don't look at me this way. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I... There's no wrong answer really." Yeonjun delicately takes Taehyun's hand into his own, trying to convince him to talk by caressing the back of it with his thumb. 

"I... He..." Taehyun realy doesn't know where to start. All of the thoughts and feelings about Beomgyu are still tangleted in his mind and he's not sure if he wants to sort it out right before Yeonjun. "He's good to me?"

That is such an understatement but Taehyun truly don't know how to put all that newfound feeling into words. Just a memory of his interactions with Beomgyu from past months make a subtle shade of red find its way to his ears and he quickly pats his heated up cheaks just to come back to his sences. Beomgyu was just so... effordlessly flirtatious. The way he smiles at Taehyun so softly, almost sheepishly, speaking so adoringly and making the younger blush almost every time, and Taehyun rarely even blush. Beomgyu is so dreamy, looking like a goddamn work of art with his caring nature, silvery words and angelic face and yet he seems not to be aware of that, subtly or not-so-subtly calling Taehyun the beautiful one. Taehyun would almost think that Beomgyu is in love with him. 

And well, it's not like the feeling is exactly unrequired. 

"He... It's like he has his way with words, you know?" Slowly, Taehyun tries to express to his hyung all those intense thoughts that has just invided his mind. "Makes me blush like no one ever did before and makes me feel like we're the only in the room at any given time... and it's not an easy feat as no one really is ever alone here in this goddamn crowded dorm. And he... just speak so intently, like every one of his word is hand crafted for me and I just want to, I don't know, hold onto them, grasp it again my chest or maybe wrote the song with them, just so I can repeat them over and over again..."

Taehyun lies down completely, head on Yeonjun's lap as he looks more into the dark night than at his hyung. But he's no longer sure to who he explains his whole viewing of Beomgyu - for Yeonjun to udnerstand or for himself to have the final assurance that he finally comes to peace with his intense feelings. 

Cause what more can he say, really? From the moment he met Beomgyu he were slowly discovering that the boy is nothing less but kind and sweet and funny and gorgeous, and Taehyun was always weak for boys who were kind and funny and sweet and gorgeous. Actually, fuck that, he didn't even kown he'd weak for boys like that until Beomgyu came into his life, so maybe the case is that it's only Beomgyu that he is weak for. 

"So... You like the guy, huh?" Yeonjun's now caressing the youngers head, his hand softly going through his hair as he tries to give him as much comfort and warmth as he can. And eventhoygh Taehyun didn't say that directly yet, older is sure that they both knew the answer to that question already.

"It's not that I was deluding myself till today, thinking that I'll never have a crush..." There it is. Maybe not the most direct conffesion, but Yeonjun know Taehyun too well to expect something more. "It just never crossed my mind that I can have feelings for..."

"Someone as lame as Beomgyu?" Yeonjun chuckles as his own joke, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere a bit after Taehyun suddenly went silent, but what next came out of younger's mouth really broke his heart.

"... a boy."  Taehyun ended his sentece, voice trembling from fear as his tries hard to escape Yeonjun's gaze, avoiding futher eye contact. Deep inside he know that he's newfound feelings are safe with older, who was always there to comfort and never to judge but he can't help but shakes from fear at voicing out secrets that he kept to himself for so long.