Avery's (terrible) Guide To Have Fun

06 : open doors

At eight in the night, the bell on the door rings loudly and Valerie jumps in anticipation or fear. I cannot tell which one, but my mood has already started drowning. She rushes to the door and I follow her. One last look while mouthing "Please be nice". I nod to assure her, she opens the door to find mom smiling back at her with her pearly white shinning. She pulls her daughter into a hug, and there are lines on mom's forehead. She looks older than last time, tired.

Valerie is glowing when she draws back and mom hugs me slightly, her hands holding me like I am the fragile stranger who she doesn't know anymore. So close, I realise Valerie is now the splitting emoji of her mother. Mom kisses Valerie's forehead, "How are you! My child, your look so tired. Have you been eating healthy?"

"I am trying to!" And there everything goes. Mom engages in her conversation with Valerie, and I am happy that they are bonding. More than happy, because Val loves mom and she deserves to spend time with her. But somewhere I feel kicked out of the conversation when they start to talk about college and work.

I want to dissolve in the floor. I feel thirteen again, crying in the McDonald's. In front of Valerie and mom, I feel like an atom, trying to stabilise myself.

God, I need to get out of here.

But the minute I am about to climb the stairs and disappear into my room. Valerie calls out my name, ordering me to place the table mats because we are having dinner early. Great. With a lump in my throat, I do all the things she asks me to. I keep mom's luggage in her mom, I serve mom the curry Val made, I force the food down my throat with the feeling of breaking down any minute. Call me overdramatic, but there is a familiar voice calling me vile words.

"Why are you eating so slow, Avery? What happened?" Mom points at my plate with her fork.

I shake my head.

"How is school going on?"

"Fine."

"I heard you got into a fight earlier this week?"

My eyes snap to Valerie and back to mom, "No."

"But the school called me."

"They did?"

"Yeah, and why are you giving me such dull responses? What happened at school?"

"Nothing."

"They told me you got into a verbal fight with Kamil Qureshi. I told you to not get into fights, what would have happened if they would have cancelled your marks? Or lower your GPA—"

"They cannot do that."

"They can write a remark. Why do even have to fight with someone—"

"He started it."

"So? Ignore him. Complain it to the teacher—"

"Be a snitch?" Valerie squeezes my hand below the table, of course, she does.

"Stop cutting me, Avery. What I am saying is that if you don't want to inform your teacher then you should ignore it. Don't be a delinquent—"

"Excuse me. Are you calling me a delinquent for standing up for myself?"

"Don't put words in my mouth. And Valerie showed me your grades, you need to drop lacrosse for a while and start paying more attention in studies," She turns to Valerie, "Teach your sis—"

"Brother."

"—brother something. If his grades don't improve then I will have to take your baby brother with me—"

That's it, that's the end of me putting my mouth shut. The lump in my throat converts into a molten ball of rage. "And do what? Make me your daughter?"

"That is not what I meant."