Weapons | Bucky Barnes x OC

18. LOST

"If believing this makes you feel better.."

"We are just made of matter and we are only useless grains of sand in a completely indifferent universe. And above all, if there is some deity watching now, they surely hate me." she didn't want to hurt him, it was just yet another uncontrollable outburst.

"Anya.." Josuke started, dusting off his kimono to straighten the wrinkles that Anya's grip had created. "You are totally free to believe what you want. Let me just say that you have little regard for yourself." he sighed.

"I know perfectly well what I am." she assured, scoffing. "I'm a weapon, built for strength rather than aesthetics. I simply erased the past and the past erased me. That's it."

"Listen, I'm sorry you think that about yourself. I'm sorry you can't go beyond what they've made you. You could be so much more, you already are so much more.. If only you could see that." one corner of his mouth was turned down and his forehead was frowning in a sad, disappointed expression.

"Shut up! You don't know anything. You're just a fool." she started pacing nervously. The scar on her left eye stung and itched.

"Calm down, sit down for a moment." he put his hands on her shoulders and guided her to a chair for her to sit down. "Your reaction suggests to me that you had a contact last night."

Anya turned pale.

"You." she narrowed her eyes at him. "You organized everything." for a moment Anya had fallen for it. She really believed it. She had believed it was all true, and that her dream had not simply been a synthesis of her unconsciousness.

"Anya wha-" Josuke started but he didn't have the time that she slapped his hands off her.

"You put that katana in my bed after drugging me with dinner to make me believe it's all true." she took a few steps towards him pointing a finger as he backed away.

"I don't know what happened or what they told you. They just told me to do it." the man was almost with his back against the wall. His hands slightly raised yet he was sure she wouldn't hurt him.

"But who?! Who, Josuke? Do you see someone? Because I don't!" Anya raised her arms to the sky.

"The voices." he muttered.

"Ooh, so if the voices told you to throw yourself off a bridge you would do it?" she pointed out.

"Well, there is a limit. Why would they ask me that?" he defended.

"Now I will reveal a secret to you. There are no voices, Josuke! You are completely crazy and I just had a strange dream because either you drugged me, or I am tired and I have never eaten anything other than a fucking undercooked steak!"

Josuke didn't answer anything, Momo thought about meowing in the moment of silence. He just looked at her. The way she had reacted simply suggested that the voiced had instilled doubts in her, in what she believed. And now she was trying to convince herself that way.

"Now, if I may, I renew last night's invitation. Go fuck yourself." Anya spat, turning away from him and rushing out.

However Josuke was right, it wasn't his fault. He had just carried out an order and didn't know what Anya would see. He wasn't the one to blame, he just wanted to help her. And when Anya would finally understand, he would be there waiting for her.

So, once again, he found himself cleaning up the mess she had made. This time it was just a cup of tea crushed against the wall. The night before, it was the turn of the katanas display. But Josuke would have picked up every single shard that Anya would have dropped, if that meant listening her, helping her and being there when she would then look for him in time of need.