Captain America: Love in a Time of Loss

Depression

"You're quiet tonight," Dorothy observed. "Something on your mind?"

Steve smiled and shook his head. "I'm okay, Dorothy. I promise."

Dorothy gave him a skeptical look. "You've got that thousand yard stare." She looked at her coffee and smiled. "Couldn't have anything to do with that cute new boy that joined our group tonight, could it?"

Steve blushed and looked over at her. "It might be."

Dorothy laid a hand on his arm. "And that makes you feel conflicted."

"Bingo," Steve sighed. "You hit the nail on the head."

"I usually do," Dorothy replied with a satisfied grin before turning serious. "You know. When cancer was taking Henry from me, he made me promise him I wouldn't deny myself a chance to be happy because of him. He had this fear that I'd close myself off on his account. And he refused to die taking me with him. He told me to live."

"He was a good man," Steve said. Dorothy had spoken about Henry many times in group. Enough that everyone almost felt like they'd known him personally.

"He'd say the same about you if he'd gotten to meet and know you," Dorothy said. "Now- what would Bucky say about this?"

Steve's smile broadened. "Are you a psychic?"

"No. Just a very perceptive old gal."

"I think," Steve started to say. "I know...that Bucky would want me to be happy."

Dorothy nodded her head. "Then I guess you should honor him by doing just that. Shouldn't you?"

"Yes, ma'am," Steve agreed. He looked over at the window and watched the foot traffic. It had started to rain and people were scurrying about, frantically avoiding the sudden torrential downpour.

"That came out of nowhere," someone remarked.

No one had an umbrella, so it was decided that they would wait out the storm. Steve took the coziness of the situation in and lifted his cup to finish off his coffee. At the same time, he looked back at the window and felt his heart leap at what he saw.

Kyle was standing outside. Unprotected from the rain, he stood in front of the window and peered into the cafe. Even through the hazy, watercolor effects Steve could see the conflict on his face. He was momentarily frozen, completely transfixed by Kyle. He looked lost, afraid, and sad. Suddenly, having made up his mind about the internal struggle he was experiencing, Kyle turned to walk away.

Steve was out of his chair and moving toward the door before even thinking about it. The sound of the tinkling bell above the door was immediately swallowed up in the violent sound of the rain. Steve spied Kyle moving hurriedly down the sidewalk and took off after him.

You're an idiot, Kyle told himself as he trudged along in the rain. The second he'd made it to the cafe, he'd immediately begun to question himself and what he was doing. Fear won despite his attempts to shove it aside and he turned around and fled.

Rain smacked into him, completely soaking him. His shoes were full of rainwater and he ignored the annoying sensation. He'd be back in his dorm soon. He'd take a hot shower and get into dry clothes and all would be well. He'd go back to consuming himself with his studies and he'd never go back to group or give Steve another thought. He'd be safe.

Safe. And alone.

Alone. That word seemed to illicit a sense of comfort. It brought to mind images of a very warm and protective environment where nothing could hurt him and no one could ever be taken from him.