i havent written in this journal, not because i havent had travesty pass through my life; theres been plenty of that since i was 17.
i thought i had fallen in love and because of it, i died a thousand times since that form of "love" wasnt meant for me.
lost my home, lost the joy in my laugh, the light in my eyes, and lost faith in everything around me. everything was so bad for a while that i gave in and drew a blade to my skin after years.
even so, a lot of it was all at my hands: i didnt value myself enough to think i could have the love i longed for and it diminished my self esteem.
i still struggle with my trauma and with my past and the thoughts of feeling unworthy of what i've been recently gifted.
i finally have what my heart ached for. i have found compassion, understanding, trust, and love in her.
we lived the same story but on opposite faces of a coin. her story remains hers and mine will forever remain mine, but we have found solace and refuge in each other knowing that its exactly why we can be so whole together. we found each other in our brokenness and are slowly putting ourselves together for a future we have envisioned even when we didnt know who it would be with.
sure its true that life wont be perfect at all times, but its good enough for me to know that i have someone to lean on when everything feels like its about to crumble.
i found home in her arms and thanks to her im rekindling that light behind my eyes i lost years ago. i finally feel found and im so grateful for that, even more so because i finally feel like myself after molding myself to fit someone else's standards.
i dont know when i'll write here again, but for now, this has been a continuation of my life so far.
