.·:*¨ 𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞

Find the G.O.L.D in someone

Hi! My name is Avery Barrows. This story was my first. The first hard experience I've had in my life. I was young and I was selfish And needy.

The way I was, is someone I wish to never be again.

Thanks to God my father he took me out of the pain and terrible past.

I was 9 years old. I was crying in the bathroom quietly. As I heard my siblings laughing with my mom. It felt like I was a part of the family, but I wasn't. Looking at how much my mother treasured all her children. And I... I wasn't treasured by anyone. I wiped the tears off my face and opened the bathroom door to find my mom and siblings watching a movie. I went outside to find my best friend Laughing with his new best friends . So I sat alone in a corner.

I looked up at the sky and tears where streaming down my face. I remember thinking to myself that night "I'd rather be dead than live a life where I'm a ghost to everyone." I felt like even God wasn't there with me.

I felt used. I did work without complaining. I did everything and it wasn't enough. Everything I did wasn't known to anyone. All I did it was as if I never did it.

A couple days had past and my mother was yelling at me for not doing work. When I was the only one who was struggling to keep the house clean. I snapped and yelled at her back "MOM YOU NEVER SEE WHAT I DO!! YOU JUST YELL AT ME BECAUSE WHAT? BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!" I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to look weak. So I starred at my mother with dead eyes as she yelled at me and told me how bad I was. My older sister eventually calmed down my mom. And I ran outside to the front yard.

I remember I wanted to yell so bad. I wanted to tell someone how lonely I feel. I wanted to tell someone how much I do and no one ever appreciates it. I remember I said "Why does this happen to me?!" And I cried for a long while.

Don't blame my mom. Or my siblings. Because I was a terrible child.

I yelled at my older sister many times and I would hit my brothers. I wanted attention... even if I had to get it by hurting them. I was mean. I would tell my siblings how bad they where and how much I wanted to live alone. I would remind them about their past which would trigger them. I screamed once as loud as I could at my sister. I remember her face when she saw me. As if I was.. a monster or something.. I cried and cried and I was mean and I cried... and I didn't have someone telling me I was gonna get better. It was me and my thoughts.

Every time I prayed I thought God didn't hear me. I would cry and think to myself "Im so terrible that even God doesn't want me"

Seeing my siblings and how happy they where made me envy them. Made me angry. I was happy but angry that they had a friend to look up to. I wanted to be loved and have a friend to be with, but my only friend had his new friends. I started to hurt myself physically. I wanted to just die, but I couldn't stand to see God's face of disappointment. So I wanted someone else to kill me.

And my friends well My friends left me. My best friend left me. She didn't care about me she used me to get things and I was naive and needy that I was willing to do almost anything to have a friend.

I was ignored. and I remember another thing that made me feel bad was when my family told me

"You're the worst"
When my little sister told me
"Avery your terrible"

I was broken. I wanted all my emotions to just die. I said to myself "if that's how they are gonna view me then I will be who they want me to be"

Until one night... It was the first time in two years. That I felt like someone was actually watching me and actually cared about my feelings.

Next chapter will be out shortly!
Lots of love for you guys!