Karlnap

Birds | Angst

TRIGGER WARNINGS: emetophobia, break ups, depression

A/N: no i'm not projecting haha what makes you say that? this is a bit short tell me if u want a follow up or something. comment here for the other songs that fit that i wasnt able to add to the title card <3

Was the blue paint on Nick's walls duller than usual? Maybe it was the lack of light in his room. His curtains had been closed for days, and he had no interest in pulling them open. Maybe he would have if they'd let in the sounds of birds chirping in the A.M. But of course, that relied on the windows.

Even the sweat pooling on his skin under layers of soft bedding could not make him get up. If he stood, he knew he'd do something he'd regret.

Fluttering his eyes closed, a sigh left his chapped lips. The pit in his stomach was making him nauseous. For days, his new boyfriend had been trying to get him to at least drink some water, or shower, but he much preferred the comforting blue light of a phone screen. If he scrolled for hours, then his brain wouldn't let in any thoughts. And that was the last thing he wanted to do.

He sniffed and brought up a hand to rub his face, sighing again, louder. He opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling, fighting the tug in his chest that told him where to go.

He needed to leave. He needed to find Karl. He needed to hold him and be held by him, kiss him until his lungs turned blue.

Slowly, Nick sat, swinging his legs over the side of his bed. He tucked his phone and a pair of crumpled up earbuds into his pocket and stood, groaning as his back snapped a few times.

He toed on the checkered Vans that sat by the edge of his bed, among copious amounts of trash and dirty clothes. His lips lifted in a scowl. "Fucking nasty," he muttered to no one. Maybe he'd clean it later.

Later. Everything was later, Nick thought to himself. Cleaning, eating, showering, brushing his teeth. 'I'll do it later,' he would say, but he wasn't kidding anyone. Him and Alex knew that all he'd do was sit in his room or on the couch (if the other got lucky), flipping between the same few apps on his phone until he fell asleep.

He trudged down the short hallway leading to the space between the living room and kitchen, and stepped into the latter. Of course, this caught his boyfriend's attention, who had only seen him leave his cave (which now really lived up to the name; another week and he'd have vines creeping out from the pores in his walls) to take a piss.

"Nicky?" came the timid voice, followed by hurried footsteps across wood and then cold tile. All he got in response was a quiet grunt as Nick flipped up the top on their Keurig and turned it on. "How are you feeling, Nicky?"

"M'fine, Alex," he murmured, guilt pinching at his flesh. It wasn't that he didn't like Alex, with his warm tawny skin and floppy black hair. He was funny, and kind, and took care of Nick when he needed it—which, admittedly, was all of the time now. They kissed, and fucked, and cuddled, and all of it was enjoyable on both ends. But Karl never left his head.

Alex frowned, reaching up to kiss him on a scruffy cheek. How long had it been since he shaved? Nick took a mug from the space next to their sink where they kept the clean dishes. There weren't many, as most had begun to crack and mold in the depths of Nick's room.

"I'm—I'm really glad you decided to get up, honey, I'm really proud of you!" the shorter tried, but recieved no response. Nick simply watched as the water bubbled, and then poured deep brown liquid into his cup. He felt hands curl around his bicep, and saw Alex's head tilt onto his shoulder from the corner of his eye.

"I love you," he said quietly. Nick wanted to puke. His eyes squinted, and his lips curled into an ugly frown. The coffee paused it's making.

Closing his eyes, Alex wondered what it would be like to have a normal relationship with Nick. It had seemed good at first, but it quickly turned bittersweet. Morning kisses became near daily breakdowns--breakfast in bed soon twisted into Alex, holding messy brown hair behind his head as Nick retched, wrecking once-clean porcelain--nightly movie dates disappeared altogether. Alex was almost as tired as he was.