Smart, Sad, and Suicidal

Welcome

Vanessa announces, "Hello everyone. I found a young brainy girl." She whispers to me, "What's your name and how old are you?" "Clara. I'm twelve." She continues announcing, "Her name is Clara and she was twelve." I laugh that she is introducing me and didn't even know anything. Wait. What? Was? Why was? Why did she say was? I shake it off as she starts talking to me again. "So if you haven't noticed, all of us are mers and look similar to someone else." She pauses then adds, "Except you. We all committed suicide in the water. Our new appearance is based off of why. Most of us only had one skill. Sometimes losing that is why, other times it was because we realized it couldn't get us through life, or were harassed because of it. The mers over there in red had something to do with freedom." She says gesturing towards them. It makes sense, rebel and freedom go hand in hand. Pointing at the mers in blue, she says, "The ones over there had something to do with being shy or ignored. That's why they were so young, they didn't like how they were being treated and didn't enjoy life enough to continue. The ones in pink, like me, had something to do with looks. Some of us were fat or got acne and others were good at nothing else." She finishes, gesturing towards them. It makes sense that the shy ones now shimmer, they catch your attention. "Why did you come here?" I ask her, not realizing how insensitive I am being. "I was failing school to be popular and pretty. My parents were so angry, they grounded me indefinitely and made me start homeschool. After a few weeks, I was facing extreme depression from the seclusion. I managed to sneak out and join the ocean." Oh. I would have killed to be in her situation. I already didn't have time for socializing and hated people in general, so that would be more like paradise to me. "There are other mers in the clan, they are just out getting food. All the guys and all the athletic type mers are doing that." "What do they look like?" "Who? The guys or the athletic mers?" "Athletic mers . . . or both." "The athletic mers are in bright green. They are mostly guys and have tails built for speed. The guys are all hot. They all have abs and muscles. They don't have tops, and their hair reflects their type. There are the most athletic guys. Most of them were freshman or sophomores and there are a lot less guys than girls." "Oh." "Oh and relationships are pointless, we don't age or get sick, so we live for a very long time. Also we can't have children, so take that off your bucket list." "I've never dated, I wasn't even thinking about that." "Still good to know." "I guess." "I can introduce you to anyone, just tell me who you want to meet." "I guess one of the shy ones, they seem to be the closest to my age." "Not necessarily true, but okay." She guides my to them, and I say, "Hi." They look surprised, like they thought they were still invisible, like their last life. One speaks up, "Hello. Welcome to our cave. I hope you enjoy this life more than your last." She looks about 15, but there is a sort of wisdom in her eyes that show me otherwise. Clearly she's been in a 15 year old body for a while. She appears to be the farthest from shy in the group, probably from being away from her past life for so long. "Thanks! I hope so too. I hope we can be friends." I say, grateful for anyone other than Larrisa to greet me. She is a little old for me. Then again, that may not be true. This whole appearance doesn't match age thing is weird and confusing. The blue 15 year old looks at me, almost stunned. I think back to what I said and realize she probably doesn't expect to be friends with anyone, at least not with her color.

Larrisa notices the odd tension between us and says, "Let me show you my friends." Then quieter, "They are much more used to having friends and haven't spent nearly as much time down here as Joyce, the blue mer you were just talking to." I guess. I'm not really interested in the reds, so I guess I should say hi to the pinks. I wonder if any of them were lesbian, I can see that harming their previous precious reputation.

Larrisa guides me over to the pinks and says, "Hey guys, Clara was looking to meet some of you. You gonna say hi?" Clearly she's very comfortable with them, a lot more than with the blues. "Hey!" "Hi!" "Ello!" "You wanna talk?" The last one must have more experience down here, she knows that I am troubled and is remembering to recognize it, unlike the others. "Sure." "My name is Secelia. I am the clan elder. I've been down here the longest and often become a therapist for anyone who needs it. That's basically all of us, but right now, you really look like you might need it." "Thank you." I heave a sigh of relief, I'm tired of acting composed, trying to not seem like the least experienced at everything. "Let's go back out, give you some privacy." I am once again very thankful, but I don't have to tell her this time, she saw it on my face. She notices I'm not steady and takes my waist, helping me move. It helps me a ton, I have no idea how to use this tail, but I still feel a little embarrassed. She must be really good at reading people, well I guess mers, or maybe both, because she also sees that and takes my elbows instead.