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NOELANI SAT ON THE rocking chair she had forced into the corner of her bedroom, Alani placed firmly in her veterinarian scrub covered lap and a picture book in her hands so that the baby could touch the pages. Blue and Cinnamon were laying on top of her duvet laying upon the newly bought queen size bed against the back wall.
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see? I see a red bird looking at me," Noelani read to her daughter as the pair rocked together. Alani reached one finger out to press the digit against the page and traced the image of a bright red cardinal, "Bird."
Noelani gave her daughter a proud smile, "That's right. Bird. Red bird, red bird, what do you see? I see a yellow duck looking at me. Yellow duck, yellow duck-."
Noelani abruptly stopped at the familiar smell of weed that wafted underneath her closed bedroom door and snapped the book closed that led Alani to babble lowly in protest, then press her tiny palm against the cover of the book, "Ooh, I know she's got to be kidding me. I know she's not doing this right now."
Noelani placed the child into her crib before hurrying into the hallway of her new one story home. There were still moving boxes shoved to the sides of the mustard painted corridor and she had to flatten herself so that her hips didn't bump against the cardboard.
When she opened the door to Leilani's room, Noelani was met with her cousin sitting criss crossed on the middle of her bed, a smoking blunt to her lips and a goofy grin on her face, "Hey, cuz! How was work?"
"Okay! We need to talk outside." Noelani said in a tired tone.
Leilani raised an eyebrow, her grin still wide, "Why?"
"Because I don't want Alani or my dogs breathing that in." Noelani then gestured to the hallway and Leilani exited first but not before scooping a purple lighter into her hoodie pocket and sliding her feet into a pair of matching Crocs.
The two stepped onto the porch of the light gray painted house, the smell of weed and the ocean heavy in the air between them. The Long Beach neighborhood was largely silent except for a few stragglers who were also on their porch to enjoy the tangerine colored sunset.
It was everything she had wanted for her and her child.
Well, almost everything.
Almost.
Noelani sat down on the matching porch swing and folded one leg underneath her, "You can't smoke here if you're gonna live with me."
Leilani took a puff then stared down at Noelani from where she was standing closer to the closed front door, "Huh?"
"'Huh?' You can't smoke here anymore, Lei. And if you are gonna continue to stay with me, you need to pay me rent or a bill or something." Noelani tucked a bright red curl behind her ear and then rubbed it for luck, "You need to find a place of work or a hustle or something."
"Pay a bi-." Leilani started to say then broke off her sentence with a harsh laugh, "Where's this coming from?"
"It's coming from the fact that you've been here two months and you're no closer to getting a place of your own. If you wanna stay with me, fine. But," Noelani shook her head before setting her sights on the beach just across the street, "No more freeloading and no more smoking while you stay here."
Leilani scoffed, "I'm heading back in the house."
"Not while you got that in your hand." Noelani stated.
Leilani scoffed once more and put her hand on the knob of the front door like she intended to go back inside anyway. In a flash, Noelani was up from the porch swing, Leilani's wrist in her grip, "What'd I just say? Not while my kid's in there."
"It was only lit for like a minute and a half. Chill the fuck out, Noel." Leilani shot back.
"Don't try me, Lei. You've never been able to beat me at everything, especially in a fight." Noelani warned her in a deadly calm voice, "Either put it out or go somewhere else for the night."
Leilani was quiet as she stared back with crimson but narrowed eyes before snatching her arm away, "Fuck this. I'm going for a walk."
"Find a job while you're at it." Noelani blurted out.
The younger woman stuck the middle finger up in Noelani's direction as she headed down the street with only one look back at Noelani before resuming her smoking of the blunt.
"Fuck," Noelani muttered to herself before dragging one hand down the length of her face and heading back inside, "Could've sworn I had one kid not one kid and an annoying ass teenager."
The minute she was back inside her bedroom, Noelani opened a window to ensure that any residue from the smoke would disappear.
Alani had fallen asleep in her crib in the couple of minutes that Noelani had been gone and she reached a hand down to brush it comfortingly against her child's soft cheek. The baby was clearly still asleep but turned a little on her side towards her mother's touch.
Noelani let out a sigh as she drew her fingertips back, not wanting to wake Alani up then padded over to her duvet and threw herself on top. Both pets whined at the disturbance then jumped down to the carpeted floor.
Her curls supported the back of her skull like a cloud, she reached for a decorative pillow to hug it to her chest and Noelani sighed for the third time that night, "God, why is adulting so hard?"
Now that she had no one to distract her from the feeling, a sunken like awareness in the pit of her stomach became overwhelming until it was the only thing she could focus on.
If her and Jalen were still together, he would've seen her in this fetal position and immediately bear hugged her with his thin arms tight around her body.
But they weren't together. In fact they still weren't even speaking.
"What I wouldn't do to not feel so damn lonely." Noelani muttered to herself as she turned on her side to better appreciate the silence.
