Only a Matter of Time // Veronica Sawyer x Fem!Reader

twelve

"I'm s-"

"Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for." He sighs.

"So you're leaving. When?"

"Tomorrow. In the morning." He nods, seeming to process this.

"Right." He stays silent for a few seconds, then lets out a short laugh. I focus on him. He laughs again.

"JD?"

"God, this is so fucked!" He yells. I twitch.

"What?" I ask. He rubs the bridge of his nose. I gently put a hand on his arm. He lets out a shaky breath.

"Tell me you're joking." I look down.

"JD, I can't."

"No, but... You were supposed to stay." I shake my head.

"I never said that." He looks at me, a deep sadness in his eyes. "JD..." He shakes his head.

"This is so messed up." He runs a hand down his face. I nod.

"I know." He sighs loudly, leaning on the wall. "I know it is. I'm the one going through it." I feel tears well up in my eyes. I blink them away. He suddenly pulls me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, y/n..." I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around him.

"I am, too." He hugs me tighter. I shiver.

"Are you going to tell them?" He murmurs. I am suddenly tense. Do I want to tell our friends? Do I want to ruin their night like this, especially after knowing how much it means to them?

I don't.

And so I won't.

"No," I whisper. He pulls back.

"Why?" I look down, then up at him again.

"You know how hard it is to leave after saying goodbye, JD." He stares at me for a few seconds, then looks away.

"Yeah." I focus on the wall.

"I can't tell them." We fall silent.

"You won't tell them at all?" I shake my head.

"I won't." It breaks my heart with each word I say. "I'll make sure it's easy to forget me and leave without a trace."

"Y/n."

"That's what I always do, okay?" I burst out. "I always just disappear. It's easier to know that people won't have to say goodbye to me. I don't want them to. I don't want them to look at me one last time and say all that shit. I don't."

"But maybe this time it'll work."

"It won't." I sigh. "I'm so tired of trying to connect with someone and then having to leave them behind. I'm sick of it. It's never worked in the past." I look at him. "You of all people should understand that." He meets my eyes, holding my gaze for a few seconds before turning away.

"I do," he says, his voice seeming to have dropped an octave. "I understand that completely." I nod.

"Exactly." I start back to where the dance is taking place. He grabs my hand.

"At least let me say goodbye." I turn to him. He silently pleads with me. There's a pain in my chest. Jason Dean. My first friend here. The guy who understood me more than anyone else I'd ever known. Someone I'd grown to trust. A boy who'd listen and comfort and crack a joke and make me smile. Who'd defend and protect me. He was at my side this entire time. Hell, I'm sure he knows my mind as well as I do. In his normally stoic gaze, I can see the pain. I rush into his arms.

"This is why I can't say goodbye to them," I whisper. He holds me close.

"I know."

"It hurts when I do. Every single time."

"I know," he repeats. "I know, y/n. I know." We stay in this embrace for a while. I don't know if I want to let go. Because if I let go of JD, I know that means that I'll have to let go of the rest of them. And as much as I need to, I don't want to.

"God, this fucking sucks..."

"It does." I slowly pull away, looking up at him. He examines me with slightly teary eyes. I feel a smile tug at my lip.

"Are you crying?" He exhales slowly, blinking away the tears. I gently take his hands. "I'm sorry for putting all this on you."

"Don't be." He smiles sadly. "You have nothing to apologize for." We laugh quietly. I start to lead him back to the dance.

"They're gonna notice we've been gone for a while. We need to go back."

"Okay." We reach the table. The others give us weird looks.

"What's up, guys?" Chandler asks. I meet JD's gaze as I sit down. This could be it. Where I tell them of my dad's new job and how I'm leaving in less than a day. They'll hug me and tell me sentimental things, promising to keep in touch. That they feel sorry and hope I come to visit eventually.

But the few times I tried that, it never worked.

Do it, y/n.

Tell them what's happening.

I sigh quietly.

"It's nothing," is what I say instead.

I check into the hotel, heading down the hallway to my room. I collapse on the bed, draping an arm over my face. I'm still in disbelief. Yeah, I'm back. I've arrived and I'm in Sherwood, Ohio. I really hope I see one of them. At least one. I need to see them. I need to know what they did after I left.

I need to know if they're okay after I left. Maybe they are. Maybe they forgot about me and they'll hate me when they see me.

Maybe I don't mean anything to them anymore.