When November Ends

Chapter 4 "I think I've seen this film before"

    “I’m serious, Ember,” he said. “What if I’m a bad guy? You shouldn’t trust anyone so easily. You don’t know what they’re really after.”

    “I can tell that you’re not a bad person.”

    Yohan look intrigued. “Really, how?”

    “There’s this particular way people look at you when they’re up to something. The eyes tell you things you can’t see in their words and actions.”

    Yohan didn’t respond at first, but when he tilted his head slightly to the side I knew he’s still weighing my words.

    He look up at me. “You know, not everything we see is right. This may be cliche but you shouldn’t judge a person by their cover. Some people can be the kindest and has the softest eyes, but can still betray you. There are more to appearances than meets the eye.”

    This isn’t the first time Yohan’s words had left me speechless. Yohan is a smart guy, sensible and sweet. He’s everything in between, and he’s right, I don’t know him. I only know these qualities of him because they’re what I perceive him as.

    Is Yohan really all this things I like to call him, or I’m making him up to be the person he isn’t?

    “Well, if that’s the case. I’d like to know you more, Yohan.”

    Yohan smiled. “I’d like to know you, too.”

    It’s not like we weren’t trying to know more about each these past few days. But, it’s different when you know you’re both trying to make an effort in knowing more about the other. It seems we’re both interested in each other’s worlds, but unfortunately, I’m not that open about mine.

    Yohan might have a hard time, so I told him about it.

    “I may not look like it but I’m not the most trusting person. I have doubts about the people I meet,” I began, forcing a smile as I recall one fateful night. “I only let others know what they already know, but I’m scared to show what’s under the surface. It’s a chaos I don’t want to drag others into.”

    The setting sun brought hues of color across the sky like pink, orange, and yellow brush of colors on a wide canvas. An artist would cry to see such masterpiece.

    We sat quietly beside each other, watching the sun sinking into the mountains until it’s gone.

    I heaved a breath. “It’s easy to talk to you. Maybe that’s why I’m more open to you, more trusting. You don’t say ‘It’s okay’ or any optimistic shit people like to say even when it’s clear it isn’t.”

    Yohan laughed. “Well, that’s because I know saying that won’t change anything. Our problems won’t go away with a simple ‘It’s going to be okay’.”

    I smiled at his words, again.

    Yohan’s not saying them because that’s what I want to hear. It’s because it’s what he feels.

    “Did your plans ever go the way you want it to?”

    Yohan shakes his head. “No matter how concrete the plan is, fate will find a way to break it.” He look up dreamily at the sky, probably reminiscing over a memory. “I planned to take my pre-med but due to unforeseen circumstances I was held back for two years. My grandmother got sick, and we needed money, so my plans for college were withhold for a while.”

    “Is your grandmother okay?”

    Yohan smiled sadly. “She died.”

    “I’m sorry.”