How things really are. // Johnnyboy

save it for a rainy day

I run faster than I've ever run in any race. The warm summer rain beats down on me and every 5 seconds I have to blow water out of my nose.

I can just barely make him out at the lot, a shadowed figure sitting in the rain.

"Johnny!" I yell.

Johnny, to his credit, doesn't ignore me. "Pony, what's wr-"

"You were right."

Johnny looks confused. "Ponyboy, what are you talking about?"

"You were right. I am a coward. I was scared about how I felt, and I hurt you. And I'm so sorry. But I am scared. I'm scared about how I feel about you. I'm scared about others knowing. But above all, Johnathan, I'm scared of leaving this godforsaken lot and knowing I will never feel the same way about anyone else the same way I feel about you." The words tumble out of me, and I feel like I'm pouring out who I really am for all to see.

And who I really am is ugly.

Johnny looks like he's trying not to fall to pieces. Finally, he says, "Ponyboy, you didn't ruin anything."

I'm so relieved I want to cry.

I have terrible impulse control. One day it will hurt me.

Like today.

Because today, today I rush forward and I pull Johnny into a rough kiss that's full of warm rain and things words could never express. The shame, the guilt, the elation, and most of all, the relief.

Abruptly, I pull back. Johnny looks at me, dazed. Suddenly, I wonder if I did too much.

I whisper "Sorry." and run off back to my house. I go straight to my room and change out of my wet clothes. I find a note from Soda, saying that he went to Steves to help him with something. Steve is only a few houses away from us, so I'm not surprised. I lay down on my bed, suddenly overcome with exhaustion.

About 15 minutes later, I hear the door open downstairs. I assume it's Soda coming back from Steve's because it's too early for Darry to come home. But then I see Johnny standing in my doorway.

We stare at each other for a minute, then he breaks the silence by saying, "I needed to get out of the rain."

I nod, and wordlessly I go to my dresser and get some extra clothes for him. He's hesitant when I give them to him, but he takes them nonetheless. I lay back down while he goes into the bathroom to change.

He comes out of the bathroom, his hair messy from him probably drying it out with a towel.

"You tired, Pony?" Johnny says quietly.

"A little," I mumble. I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open.

I feel the bed dip behind me, and I know it's Johnny. I don't move away from him. He runs his fingers through my hair, and I fall asleep.