Heroes Luck

The Phineas and Ferb Effect, Act 3

Act III

(The scene opens up on a sign saying "Welcome to Danville", which is immediately flung away by a Pistachion, who captures a romantic couple from behind the sign. Several more Pistachions capture more Danville citizens and place them in Lard World trucks, including Elliot.)
Elliot: Ow! Get off! Hey! Hey! Ow! Now is not a good time!
(Pan right to Milo and Candace hiding behind some bushes.)
Candace: Listen, Milo, what I'm trying to say is, you hanging around with us is not going to help stop these plant guys.
(A fire hydrant explodes. Milo puts up an umbrella.)
Candace: Ooh! Thanks! I just got my hair done. And also it isn't gonna help us save our parents from that plant prison in Lard World.
(A huge tire rolls behind Candace, as Milo takes out a curved track, deflecting the tire so that it crushes a Pistachion.)
Candace: Oh, thanks. I didn't see that coming! 'Cause we're already up against impossible odds without all the chaos that surrounds you!
(Another Pistachion jumps in front of them, but sees a garbage truck skidding in his direction. In a bit of a twist, the garbage truck just misses the Pistachion, while its back door almost opens up. The Pistachion is struck by lightning, and then all the garbage dumps on him.)
Candace: Hey! Sometimes, Murphy's Law can be totally helpful!
(Whip pan up to reveal a woodpecker pecking at a branch. The branch falls on Milo and Candace.)
Candace: Okay, maybe not totally.

(Cut to a park bench. A Pistachion walks past it as Zack and Melissa appear from behind the bench.)
Zack: Look! I was right! Candace is a Pistachion! And she's trying to get Milo!
(In actuality, Candace - with leaves in her hair - is simply extricating her hand from Milo's backpack strap. But Zack and Melissa pounce on her.)
Melissa: Let go of him, shrub head!
Zack: Yeah! What she's saying!
(Melissa pulls on Candace's face.)
Candace: Ow!
Melissa: How come this mask won't come off?!
Candace: Because it's my face!
Milo: Stop, guys! She's not a plant!
Melissa: Really? With that neck?
Candace: What's wrong with my neck?!
Melissa: Oops. Sorry, honest mistake. I would've never tackled you if I knew you were human.
Zack: You should be ashamed.
(Melissa punches Zack in the arm.)
Zack: Ow!
Milo: Look, we shouldn't be fighting each other.
Candace: He's right. We need to work together. Even if some of us mess things up sometimes.
Milo: Sorry.
Candace: I was talking about me. We need this guy around. Come on!
(Milo, Candace, Zack and Melissa run forth of the branch, as a car crash occurs offscreen. More cliché car alarms and clucking poultry.)
Milo: (offscreen) My bad!
Candace: (offscreen) We still need him!

(Cue NW!Ben and Wildmutt falling from a portal above them)

Milo: Hi Bens!

Wildmutt: (groan)

(Cut to the time stream, as Doofenshmirtz's time machine travels on.)
Dakota: So how far back should we go? Fifteen minutes?
Doofenshmirtz: No...it's year, month...cup holder.
Cavendish: Fine, then. One month.
Orton: But that Pistachion had already been there for ten years.
Cavendish: Well, we don't want to go back too far. We... We'd have to get jobs and apartments.
Doofenshmirtz: We can all live together like a '70s sitcom! In the '50s!
Announcer: Four Men & a Platypus is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Doofenshmirtz: But I digress. Hey, who wants orange soda?
(Doof opens up a can, but it accidentally electrocutes the time machine. The others gasp.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, sorry. This... This is like another sitcom!
Announcer: That Darn Doof!
Doofenshmirtz: And that's why we use a cup holder.
(The time machine begins to go haywire.)
Doofenshmirtz: ...steering system! I'm gonna hit the emergency escape button!

(Cut to the present day. The time machine falls out of the sky.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aah! We're in midair!
Orton: We're going to hit that island!
(Everyone screams, as the machine crashes onto a palm tree and rolls over many others in a row. The last springs upright, depositing it onto another palm tree. It bows.)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that was extraordinarily-
(The palm tree breaks, and the machine crash lands on the ground and gets destroyed.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, we're back in the present, but where are we?
Cavendish: This is your fault! Now we're stranded here!
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, stranded on a desert island. Now that's a sitcom!
Announcer: Doof Island is filmed in front of a-
Cavendish: (dispels Doofenshmirtz' sitcom fantasy scene) No! No! You've ruined everything! You were supposed to be this genius who was going to save us, but no! (imitating Doofenshmirtz) "I want orange soda! I don't want to put a day setting on my time machine because I want a cup holder!"
Doofenshmirtz: Is that supposed to be me?
Dakota: Yeah, that's you. Your voice is really annoying.
Cavendish: You are the biggest disappointment since... (pointing to Dakota) well, since him!
Dakota: Wait. What did I do?
Doofenshmirtz: Look, I don't know how time travel is supposed to work! W-W-When I hit that escape button, I was pretty sure we would just explode! You're the one who says I'm some time travel hero in the future! This is on you, buddy! And let me tell you, I know when I'm not wanted! (leaves, but then comes back) Is it... Is it now? It's, uh... It's now, right? Fine!