Unseen

-7-

"Paige," I hear and for a moment I think I misheard or something because I can't say I'm used to hearing my name. Only mum says it from time to time but her voice is filled with sorrow and longing.

I look to my left just to find James standing there. Well, not standing more like struggling to stand. He bends forward, clearly having trouble to stand straight, his hands are on his waist and he's struggling to catch his breath. I just blink, confused to see him there. Did I summon him with my complaints?

Then it hits me. He came for me.

I move backwards, away from him, sliding on the bench I'm sitting and putting more distance between us. I take a defensive posture, waiting for the next blow do I can dodge it. I still keep my feet on the bench but I stop hugging my legs, instead I cross my wrist in front of my chest, shielding me.

"W-what are y-you doing here?" I stutter, narrowing my eyes at him, trying to figure out why he came here.

Didn't he have enough? Does he have to keep striking me? When I was alive the other kids used to follow me, saying all mean things, pushing me against the walls or pulling my hair, making me trip and more. They never left me alone. They never had enough. Is James one of them? Did he come here to keep insulting me?

"I get it. I understand. I won't bother you again. Leave me, please," I beg, closing my eyes as all what he said before echoes in my head, hitting me over and over again, making me feel like throwing up even if I of course can't do that. I feel sick, dizzy and scared. I'm trembling. I don't want to hear more insults, more hurtful words. "I know I'm annoying. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I start mumbling, my voice shaking as flashbacks of when I was alive come to me, leaving me breathless. All those times kids followed me, even to my home, insulting me all the way. All those times they even threw pebbles at me. Maybe I should've apologised to them as well, instead of remaining silent. Maybe it was my fault and they just wanted me to apologise for my existence. That's why they kept telling me to kill myself, to just die because I was wasting air and insulting them with my presence. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I keep whimpering and now I hug my legs again, hiding my face and willing myself to disappear. I just want to disappear once and for all.

"Paige," he calls again and I shiver violently.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I keep repeating, my voice rising a bit more every time.

"Paige, I'm sorry!" he shouts louder than me and I freeze. "It's me who's sorry. Stop repeating that."

Hesitantly and scared, like a newborn bird peeking out of the nest for the first time, I look up to see him in front of me, closer than before, at the other end of the bench. He looks desperate but honest, he also looks remorseful and flustered. He is still breathing heavily but it doesn't seem it's because he's angry or ready to kill me.

"W-what?" I blink, confused. Those words sound so foreign in the mouth of someone else. Almost like a language I can't understand.

"I'm sorry," he repeats looking a bit more calm now and as I keep watching him as an exhibition on display, I notice the remorse in his expression and worry. "I went overboard when I told you all that. I was cruel and I'm sorry. I just... I lost my temper, okay? I didn't mean to hurt you."

I blink, trying to process the words I'm listening to.

I look everywhere, looking for another soul for whom these words are meant to because he can't be talking to me. I'm just in between. There's someone behind me and he's talking to that person. He's not apologising to me. People never apologised to me for all the things they did and the world hasn't changed that much since I was alive. James hurt me, why would he apologise now?