All I ever wanted

34.

"Has she left?" Joonas asked. Tommi checked the bedroom, but she wasn't there either.
"Apparently." Tommi sighed. I rubbed my face frustrated. I'm pretty sure where she is.

"Let's go. She's not far away." I said and immediately I started to walk towards the door. Boys gave me strange looks, but without any guestions they followed me.
We kept walking only few minutes, then we arrived in front of a bar. There was big windows, and we saw inside there. It was friday, so of course there was a lot of people.
"You sure she's there?" Joonas asked, and he looked the bar with suspicious look. I saw how Tommi looked at me.
"Well I have seeked her from there three times already." I sighed and shook my shoulders. Joonas and Tommi looked each other worried.
We walked in, and that smell of alcohol hit my face.
It made me feel dizzy, and all of those people gave me anxiety. Three times I have picked her up from here in two weeks.
And each time this smell gaves me bad feeling. And I know that she will be drunk. She has been drinking at home, and some nights she has decided to come here. Don't know why, maybe trying to escape from me? Like I wouldn't find her here.

We walked close to each other, trying to see her.
But I knew where she would sit, in front of the counter in a bar stool.
And when we arrived there, she sat there. I shook my head once we reached her. Joonas stood next to me on her right side, and Tommi stood on her left.
She had her hand in her cheek, and leaned against it.
She had empty glasses of beer in front of her.
"Eevi. Let's go home." I placed my hand on her shoulder carefully. She flinched.
"It's okay. It's only me. I brought Tommi and Joonas with me." I said to her when she turned her head on me. She stared Joonas, and then Tommi.
She looked so lost again.

"Shall we go? So you can go to sleep." Tommi gave her a gently look. She turned her gaze on me, and then on Joonas.
"Joonas..." She said quietly with her drunk voice.

"Yes?" He answered. I saw it in Joonas that he was confused. Of course, seeing her in that condition is confusing and worrying.
"Give me cigarette.. please..." She groaned and placed her hands on his shoulders. Joonas placed his hands on top of hers, and he looked worried on her.
"I don't have any." He answered. It didn't make Eevi feel any better, she started to be frustrated.
Eevi doesn't smoke, only very rarely when she's drunk. And I was suprised that she asked that.
How would I know when she smokes when I'm not around. Yes I would smell it, but if she covers it so well? Don't know.

"Fuck.. I really need one..." She sighed and started to look around. Don't tell me she's going to ask from someone else.
Yeah, she stood up from the chair and started to walk to some direction. Tommi took a grip from her hand, and it made her stop. She flinched.
"We're going home now." Tommi said serious. She didn't answer, only pulled her hand off from his grip and started to walk again. We looked each other with Tommi and Joonas.
"So you're gonna let her do whatever she wants?" Tommi asked pissed and stared at me.
"She's adult after all." I only shook my shoulders.
It didn't take long when Eevi was back, and she had cigarette in her hands, and a lighter. She didn't say anything, only looked us under her eyebrows and slowly she started to walk towards the door. We followed her, and I was afraid what will happen next.

We stood in front of the bar, and we all three watched her every move. How she lightened that cigarette, and put it between her lips.
She inhaled that cancer stick, and then let out a long breath. The smoke went straight to my lungs, and I almost started coughing.
"You done?" Suddenly a low man voice asked from behind me, and I moved aside. The man looked at Eevi, and she gave the lighter back to him. He smiled at her and looked her up and down. It looked like he was undressing her with his gaze.
"Leave." Tommi said to him. He looked at us all and left without complaining. We all looked after him when he walked away.

"Why you do this to yourself?" Joonas then asked.
We all were silent after that, she didn't reply. She stared into nowhere again, and she kept smoking.
"I hate to see you like this." I decided to finally say that. She moved her eyes on me slowly, and she looked shocked. Those words must hit her hard, but I am just honest. That's something I wanted to be.
She then throwed the cigarette away, and started to walk towards home. We walked next to her, and no one said anything.
With some steps she stumbled, so I took her hand to help her to stay up and not to fall. She didn't react to that.