"We lost one of our babies." That was the first thing I've said when Chaerin took her sit in front of me, her face changed and she removed her glasses.
"Im so sorry for your lost." Days after I heard the news I never really cried that much but now telling my therapist this I feel like I want to cry it all out.
I stoop my head low and buried my face on my hands, I started weeping. Then I felt hands on top of my shoulder.
"It's okay. It is okay to cry just let it out Lisa. Just let it out."
"I know I was a big warning sign. A shitty person but my baby. My baby didn't deserved this. I know people dies but it wasn't his time yet, I haven't even had the chance to hold him first. He's innocent why does he have to die?" I kept on weeping.
The moment Yeri said he's gone I only wished he hadn't went through pain when it happened, I am not even sure if they can feel anything at that point but if they do I just wished that he didn't feel it and just went away. I can't accept the idea of him going through pain before he died.
"Someone might have told you already this but be stronger. Your wife needs you, you are allowed to cry and be weak but now be there for your wife." Chaerin told me.
"If maybe I apologize to my mom for cursing at her or if I talk to Irene maybe he would forgive me and won't hurt anyone in my family anymore." I told her.
"Lisa, I know I kept on telling you for years to talk to Irene or visit your mom's grave but I don't think this is the right time for that." She said, I wiped my tears.
"Maybe god was punishing me for being egoistic."
"He is not Lisa."
"Then why my baby?"
"Things happen for a reason and I am certain it is not because of that." She told me.
"Bullshit. You know what I am done with this session." I stood up and went out slamming the door on her.
I rode my car and drive anywhere my car would take me. And I found a bar, I went in it was not crowded only few people are inside, a waiter, one customer, the bartender and a man on the stage.
"Too early for a drink pretty lady." The man said, I didn't mind him and went straight to the bartender.
"Whiskey neat." I told him. He works on it and I just wait.
"Problem in the house?" The man who is on the stage awhile ago sat next to me.
"Sorry I don't talk to strangers."I told him and straight up drink when the bartender gave it to me. The liquid burn its way down my throat.
"Im sure I am not a stranger to you." I looked up to him and it was my wife's stupid ex boyfriend.
"What are you doing here? Don't you have a concert or something?" I asked him, he became a singer a year after he and Jennie met. Irene helped him to get into some labels so he's kinda famous right now.
"I own this place and I am on a break just finished some world tour." He said and ordered some drinks as well.
"So now you know who I am, mind telling me what is wrong? I know we are not friends of some sort but as Jennie's friend I am also concerned about you." I heaved a sigh.
"Did you know that I hate you and you were the reason why I flipped my shits on her before?" I asked him, he laughed at me and nod his head.
"I was aware... You were batting eyelashes at her when we were together so I kinda guess you were having it. But back to the topic tell me."
"She's pregnant.... twins." I told him.
"Well that is a good news why are you not in a good mood?" He asked.
"Cause the other one just died." The smile on his face fades away.
"Oh I am so sorry I didn't mean to." I lower my head and started crying again.
"Look..." He spoke again.
"When I was with Jennie it was not that long but I've seen it all Lisa. She's not strong mentally. When you took River you don't know what kind of things she had been doing just to distract herself with the fact she can't see her baby. I am not telling you this to put you on guilt okay, but given the situation right now I think instead of drinking here you should be with her until she's okay cause I don't think you will like it when you see how she is in that kind of state." I looked at him then to my drink. He is right. He and Chaerin are right.
Stupid me....
I stood up and paid for my drink.
"Thank you." I bowed to him and I quickly drove my way home.
And just like what he said I found my wife doing weird stuffs just to distract herself. I immediately pulled her to me and she started crying really hard.
"Im so sorry."
"I was looking for you. I woke up and you weren't there, I thought I've lost you too." I kissed her head repeatedly and apologized again.
"I just went out to check on something okay? You are not gonna loose me. Never..." I buried my face on her head and inhaled her scent.
"Im so sorry. Im so sorry..." I've knelt down and placed my head on her stomach.
"Please baby, if you can hear and understand dada please don't leave us okay? Be strong. Be strong and hang in there. Always hang in there and soon we will meet, and I promise you that I will be the best dada. Just stay there." I placed a kiss on it, I stood up and kissed Jennie on the lips.
"Don't worry now..... She'll stay, I know it."
