Song of a Sophomore

CHAPTER 11 - Misery

Gloria turns to me, back to the stretch of pavement, and then back to me again as if she's trying to gauge how troublesome the situation is from the look on my face. "What did you say?"

"The first thing that popped into my head. Something mean. Something someone probably would have said to me this time last year." I frown.

Ryan moves to the edge of his seat.

"I kind of called this girl—"

"What?" Ryan's mouth goes wide.

I braced myself for their reaction. "Fat."

"Josephine Rose!" Gloria gasps. "What were you thinking? That's not going to win you any friends on the squad!"

"I know. I wanted to take it right back once I said it, and I even followed her out to her car to apologize."

"An apology won't make it right." My mother shakes her head like I am a naughty toddler.

"But they were so mean, Mom. I didn't do anything to provoke them." Except get my period. And look like a total dork.

"What about taking the high road?" Gloria smushes her lips together to form the pathetic expression that makes me cringe. "What about talking to your coach?"

I look to Ryan to back me up.

"Mom, let's not blow this out of proportion. Yes, some girls might be mad at her today, but tomorrow, they may think twice about teasing her."

"Let's hope you're right." Gloria clutches the steering wheel with both hands. "I hope you haven't thrown away your chance at happiness."

If spending hours everyday with Bethany and her minions is happiness, then maybe I am better off miserable. I sink down in my seat and stare out the window at the hazy summer sky above the wooded countryside, which eventually gives way to bulldozed lots and a sprawling shopping center. Visions of the girls' thin faces, lean legs, poofy ponytails, and name-brand gym clothes fill my mind. Through the course of middle and high school, these cheerleaders clearly evolved into the most popular (and, likely, the most attractive) girls in their schools. What would it be like to be at the top of the high school food chain, the superior species in the suburban American teenage genus? 

For a moment, I dream about switching places— forgetting about my parents' struggle to pay off their credit card debt, buying brand-name clothes, looking flawless, and being the envy of every girl in my grade. Then my reflection in the car's side mirror brings me back to reality. I study my wide, freckled face, messy hair and generic white t-shirt.

Yuck. As a fellow varsity cheerleader, I am an imposter in every way. No wonder they make fun of me.

Gloria breaks through my train of thought as we approach the shopping center on the way home from practice. "I have to make a quick stop to return a video tape at Blockbuster, then we can stop by Taco Bell. Sound good?"

"I want a chili cheese burrito. Actually, make it two, and a Mexican Pizza. And, churros with a Mountain Dew." Ryan places his order from the backseat like Mom is his limo driver.

"Gross." I stick my tongue out at him. "How can you eat all that?"

"I'm a growing boy." He flexes his measly bicep and gives it a kiss, which prompts a dramatic eye roll from me instead of the usual laughter. I'm not the mood.

Gloria turns into the parking lot of the sparkling, new Meadow Wood Shopping Plaza and heads straight for the video store, cutting across four rows of empty parking stalls. She pulls up to the curb, puts the car in park, reaches behind her, and shoves a VHS tape in my hands.

"Mom, can't Ryan do it?" I whine.

"Come on, we're waiting." Gloria taps her long, acrylic fingernails on the dashboard.

I reluctantly get out of the car and walk up to the glass storefront. Inside, a group of teenagers examine movies to rent on the shelves looking so carefree and comfortable in each other's company. The envy eats me up inside.

Is being a normal teenager too much to ask?

I shove the chunky box into the tape return slot and stomp back to the car where Gloria is transfixed on the reflection of her bangs in the mirror. She finally pulls away from the Blockbuster video store and cuts across more rows of empty parking stalls to arrive at the Taco Bell drive thru. Once Gloria gives our order, pays and takes three bags from a shiny-faced teenager, I ask her a very important question.

"Mom, will you drop me off at the pool on the way home?"

"You don't have your swimsuit." She sounds a little flabbergasted. "And, you need to eat dinner first."

"I really need to go by and try to talk to the cheer captain. She's a lifeguard there."

"How do you know if she'll even be there?" Gloria asks as she turns onto the wide boulevard toward our development.

"Michelle said she would, and that I should stop by so we can... chat." I lay my arms across my waist to quiet the fear rippling deep in my belly. Or maybe that's cramps?

"Okay." She pushes up her sunglasses and checks out her reflection in the rear view mirror. "Walk home before it gets too dark."

"I will."

Believe me, I will do everything in my power to make sure this meeting is a quick one. When Gloria drives our car up to the stately one-story stone façade of the Meadow View Community Clubhouse, I push open the heavy door, step out of the car, and hesitate to close it. Ryan gives me a thumbs-up. I nod, take a deep breath, and close the door. Gloria zooms off and rolls through the stop sign on her way home.

The parking lot is nearly empty, so it's easy to spot the blue coupe with the vanity plate BUTRFLY.  I know Michelle and Bethany were there, waiting for me, and I suddenly get cold feet. I have no idea what  to say to them. Maybe Michelle expectes me to repeat my apology from the parking lot in Bethany's presence, as if I am before the queen begging for her pardon?

As if.

I'm not too proud to say I'm sorry. My apology to Michelle is genuine and I wanted to take back the insult I hurled at her out of anger as soon as I said it, but what about the ridicule I've endured over the past few days? Am I supposed to forget all about it? My memory is too good for that. I am never very good at putting the schoolyard taunts behind me. They are part of my story. My identity. Written on my soul.

As I approached the clubhouse entrance, a set of double glass doors, I catch sight of my reflection and stopped mid stride. 

I see it now. They're right. I am a total dork.

I frown at the image of my baggy t-shirt with cuffed sleeves and the too tall, white socks on my feet. My face is so boxy and plain with my hair pulled into a low ponytail and the clothes I'm wearing are a size too big, adding twenty pounds.

"I look so freaking ugly," I murmur under my breath and then I have an idea. "What if..."

Careful not to crush two delicate shrubs, I step off the sidewalk and make a few small adjustments. I yank the ponytail out of my hair and flip my head upside down to scrunch up my loose curls. Next, I roll up my shorts at the waistband, shortening them by a couple of inches. The only problem left is the baggy t-shirt I'm wearing. Underneath, my sports bra fits like a tank top.

"Let's do this." I strip down and throw my shirt in the garbage can.

The double doors pop open and I step back in shock at the sight before my eyes. 

Oh my, god.

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Any guesses on what surprises Rose at the end of the chapter?

Do you think she's doing the right thing coming to talk to Bethany?

Just curious, is anyone reading old enough to remember Blockbuster Video stores?

Thanks for your comments and votes. I appreciate the support!!