Devil | A Solomons

TWENTY ONE - JEALOUSY

Irina's walk home felt never ending that morning. The high-pitched, sickly sweet tone of the woman's voice rang true and clear in her mind, making her stomach turn and her blood boil as she walked.

When she finally arrived back at home, she locked the door behind her and immediately went to bathe herself. She couldn't shake the filthy feeling she found herself covered in since picking up the phone, wanting to rinse away every kiss and touch Alfie had left on her skin, the thought of it making her head spin.

She sat in the water for a while, hugging her knees to her chest as she let the water rinse away everything bad from her skin, at least that's what she told herself.

Irina had called Kristian just before bathing, letting him know she wasn't going to be working that day but to take note of any messages left for her. She also told him that if Alfie called, to tell him that she was in meetings all day and couldn't be disturbed.

She spent an hour soaking, desperately trying to pick apart the feelings one by one and work out what it was that she was going through so she could haul herself out of it in one piece.

Irina had never been the jealous type. She'd never had a boyfriend to be jealous over, however she was more accepting of casual affairs with no strings attached than most women were. That was up until Luca, of course.

Irina had denied the way she'd started to slowly feel about Luca for a while, using uncovering the truth as a mask to keep her feelings under wraps. The truth was, she had started to enjoy being around him, feeling cared for and protected, something the death of her parents meant she had been deprived of her whole life.

While she enjoyed being in control and took pride in the life she'd carved for herself with no help from anybody else, the child inside of her had been crying out for the support and security of somebody, and Luca had been the first person to ever show her that, whether it had been a lie or not.

After his passing, Irina coped by turning her grief into anger, though she didn't spare a minute longer thinking about him than she had to, since Alfie had been there since the very beginning to take her mind off him.

Alfie was like Luca in the purest way, he cared for her and made sure she was safe, comforted and happy. Irina had never imagined herself wanting a man to look out for her and make her smile, but when it was Alfie pouring her glasses of wine and asking her to dance, she began to change her thoughts.

Irina had never felt her stomach sink the way it did when she answered the phone that morning. She wasn't sure whether it was because Alfie had painted himself to be a man of honesty and truth and she'd been deceived for a second time, or because she really was jealous.

The thumping on her front door made her jump, snapping her out of her daydream. She cradled herself in the water, staying deathly silent as she listened out.

"Irina? Irina it's Alfie, please talk to me."

She squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing the lump in her throat as she tried to desperately keep her eyes dry. Irina wasn't an emotional person, and she certainly wasn't trying to change that part of her for Alfie.

Sighing, Irina quickly dried herself and pulled on a black silk robe, tying it tight around her waist and pulling her hair out of the clip, letting it fall down her back messily.

Alfie continued to knock loudly on the door, only irritating Irina further as she made her way down the stairs. She paused at the door, hesitating to open it before finally deciding that he probably wouldn't leave if she didn't.

"Irina," Alfie gasped, his shoulders slumping as he stood on the doorstep, his knuckles red.

"What do you want?" Irina said sternly, the door open just enough for them to speak but not enough for it to invite him inside.

"To explain. Please, just let me talk to you."

His eyes were pleading with her desperately but to Irina, it only made her more infuriated. There was no part of her that wanted the hassle of a relationship and everything that came along with it, and that moment was the exact reason why.

Irina didn't have time for games, for her feelings to be pushed and pulled like they weren't attached to her heart. It was exhausting, and the two of them had barely taken a single step forward together before they'd taken a million backwards.

"I don't care, Alfie. You can do whatever you want, fuck whoever you want. I don't own you."

Alfie scoffed, shaking his head, "Oh come on," he retorted, narrowing his eyes at her, "You can't tell me you don't care. You can't tell me you don't feel the same things I do, that you don't feel even the slightest bit of the spark that we have. I've known you for a while now, Irina, you don't look at anybody the way you look at me."

Irina bit on the inside of her cheeks, her jaw clenched as she listened to him speak. He was in grey trousers and black, polished shoes with a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a grey waistcoat, his hair damp with what Irina guessed was sweat, his cheeks flushed red.

"Irina," Alfie edged closer to her, his voice quiet as he tried to calm himself down, "I'm sorry, alright? I know how you feel right now, I know how fucking awful jealousy is. I felt the exact same thing when I walked in here and saw that fucking hat hung up."

Irina looked in the direction Alfie cocked his head, realising that Luca's hat was still hung up next to all of her coats. She felt a pang of sadness hit her, tugging gently on a single heartstring before fading into nothing.

"He's dead," Irina said, "The woman who phoned you is not."

Alfie sighed heavily, looking up to the sky and mumbling something under his breath.

"We used to be together a year ago, and occasionally we would still sleep together. The last time I saw her was the night I saw you and Luca leaving that Italian place across town. I haven't seen or heard from her since, I don't know why she called me this morning, God's honest truth."

Irina glanced back at the hat on the wall, thinking back to the way Luca looked at her in the reflection of the mirror that night in the powder room. She felt sick at the thought, but what made her feel a million times worse was imagining Alfie with another woman, him looking down at her and touching her the same way he'd done to her the night before.

Irina realised then that what she was feeling was undeniably a bad case of jealousy.

"I don't blame you for leaving this morning, alright? I would've done the same thing, it makes me feel sick to my fucking stomach to think about any man ever laying a finger on you, let alone answering a phone and hearing their voice."

After spending her life not allowing men to get anywhere near her, Irina had never experienced a man being possessive over her. Of course, men's eyes followed her everywhere, wherever she went, but she had never known what it was like for a man to feel something for her that made him angry thinking about other men seeing her the same way he did.

She saw the flicker of fury in Alfie's eyes as he spoke, the blue fading to a deep grey, looking almost black as he tried to swallow the rage he felt as he thought about Irina with other men.

And Irina loved it.

"What's her name?" Irina kissed her teeth, still holding the door open just a fraction.

"Rebecca." Alfie replied.

"Well you can go and tell Rebecca that if  she ever even thinks about calling you again, that you will shoot her. Point blank. And if you don't, I will. You can come back once that's done."

And with that, Irina closed the door in his face.

an;;
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