Daily Feelings

#26 - Maturity

As a kid, I thought with age, you would grow older not only physically, but also mentally.

As I grew older, I knew that was not always the case.

I recall playing an online fun quiz which would determine your mental age as an early teen. I still vividly remember getting the mental age of someone around 30 to 40 years old. I felt proud back then, as I thought I was more mature than my peers.

Then come my late teens and early 20s. As we all know, a certain pandemic happened. We all got locked up in our homes for a long period of time.

In that period of time, I realized something about myself. I'm not a really mature person for someone whose physical age is supposed to be ready to shoulder the burdens of society. I still had the mentality of a child.

I thought to myself.
"Well, that's normal. I'm not the only one who acts like a kid even though they're supposed to be way over that mental state. I'll grow out of it eventually."

But I didn't. I never did.
With each passing day, I dread at the fact that I can't mentally mature.
The fact that I'm only just a year away from the real world, and the fact that all my friends are all used to how the real world works, scares me.
I'm not ready.
I don't know if I ever will be ready.

My family were never rich. My parents had to work hard from their early teens to support their younger brothers and sisters.
I salute them for that.
Having to grow up before their supposed to, just to support someone.
And yet, I doubt I can ever do something like that.

I tend to run away from my problems.
I don't want to face them.
I'm afraid that I can't fix them.
I can't do this alone, nor can I depend on my friends and family.

The only thing I can do is by writing out the frustrations of my everlasting psychological suffering, and hope that someone reading this can somehow understand what I'm going through.

And if you're someone feeling the same thing as I am, let's not give up, shall we?