A Dementor's Kiss - Phan

Flyers at Breakfast

“What about the Slytherin dude though, whatshisname. I though you said he was a nob, Dan?”

“Huh?” Dan’s eyes snapped open. “Oh right, yeah. Well, he is. But he’s also really passionate about this. I don’t really know him, I can’t judge. He’s got a really rich and powerful dad and he never shuts up about it, and he’s not very nice to most people. But he might just be misunderstood. He’s madly in love with some guy from Gryffindor, and I think he really struggled with coming out at first. Maybe that’s why it’s so close to his heart. I think he’ll do a good job.” Dan wasn’t sure how much of that the others had been able to understand; too sleepy to lift his head from Phil’s shoulder, his jaw wasn’t able to move very much and it had all come out disjointed and muffled.

“That’s the crux, the job isn’t not over yet.” Carrie sighed. “We need to keep going.”

At that point they were interrupted by a rowdy group of Gryffindors on the next table, as a tall boy with red hair leaned his chair dangerously far back and twisted round. “We’re thinking a new line of attack is needed,” he said, swinging a little on his chair. “You guys have done a cracking job so far, but the fact remains that she’s a twisted and evil individual, and no amount of protesting is going to change someone who is genuinely sick to the core. I mean, her very name sounds like a vomit. You’re not going to change her world views. We need to just get rid of her, whatever it takes.”

Carrie turned to her friends with a shrug. “I don’t think anyone would object to that. Do you have a plan?”

The Gryffindor grinned a wide, toothy grin that seemed to stretch from one ear right to the other. “Yes, a plan. Code name: mayhem. It’s not a very complex construction, I’ll warrant, but I promise it’ll be effective. Just you wait, Ms Fletcher. Beautiful things are coming.”

“If you need any help just like, send me an owl.” Chris murmured from the floor, his voice croaky and his eyes shut fast. “I’m an avid fan of generalized mayhem.”

“I thought he was asleep.”

“He is.” PJ said, trailing his fingers lazily through Chris’s hair.

“But he just spoke?”

“Well he woke up, but now he’s asleep again.”

Sure enough, soft snores were floating up from the pile of robes on the floor, and PJ slipped down beside it to cocoon them both in a pink woollen blanket.

~

Everyone had been excited at the prospect of seeing how Umbridge was coping at breakfast, but her disgruntled figure was quickly overshadowed by the arrival of what seemed to Dan to be a literal swarm of owls.

“What’s going on?” He yelled to Phil, as thousands of small pieces of parchment fell from the sky.

“Flyer owls. Get it? Like, fly, because owls- you get it. Advertising. They’re not supposed to be able to get past Hogwarts’ defences, though.” Phil was doubled over covering his head with his hands and Dan quickly followed suit after a nasty clip on the ear from a low flying tawny.

“What, like spam?” He asked.

“What?”

“Never mind. What are they advertising?”

“We’ll find out soon enough.”

Almost immediately as he had spoken, the owls were gone, and a thick fog of fluttering parchment was all that remained, descending slowly on the tables. Chris reached up and plucked a leaflet out of the sky.

“Oh no,” he said, a gleeful grin spreading slowly across his face.

“What is it?” PJ asked.