Until the End

Atychiphobia-Part 1

"I don't know. I am sensitive to smells for a few days, but it will pass. Maybe I ate something and it wasn't good."

"Ada? Besides smells, did you feel tired and nervous?" Selin asks, putting a hand on her now visible growing belly.

"Yes, a little! But I work a lot so it isn't something new."

"Did your period come?" Selin asks and it feels like a punch in the stomach.

"Mhm, I think I have a delay..."

"For how long?"

"I don't know, maybe 3 weeks or more? But it's probably from stress so I didn't give it so much importance." I calmly respond.

"Ada, I think you are pregnant." Selin says, making me freeze."All the symptoms correspond, believe me!"

I can't answer, I am shocked. I look at Bora and he is so pale, he looks like he is about to faint.

"But we used protection and she takes pills, right?" Bora bluntly asks, looking at me.

" Well, we didn't use protection sometimes and with all this craziness at the office, I didn't take pills for a while now..."

"So..." He says still in shock.

'Why is he acting like this? It is a surprise for me too but isn't all my fault... And we have been married for a while now. Doesn't he want a baby???'

"So Selin may be right..." I snap back, visibly irritated by his reaction.

"Come on, Ada! We will go to buy a pregnancy test. Now!" Selin says, taking my hand and in a few seconds we are already outside the house.

We head towards the pharmacy but my head is only on Bora's reaction. I don't know how I looked when I realised that I can be a mom but his reaction told me everything I needed to know. He doesn't want a baby. But why?

'Maybe he isn't prepared? But I am not prepared too, that is not a reason to react that way. Maybe he doesn't think I can be a good mom...'

Selin's voice wakes me up from my thoughts, she is already in the car with a pregnancy test in her hands. I drive back home, fear installing in my chest.

I enter the house but I hear the boys talking so I make a sign towards Selin to be silent. I want to hear what Bora says.

"I don't know how to tell her, Ali! A baby is a huge thing, a huge responsibility and we have a lot on our heads now..."Bora says, making my heart drown in pain.

"You should talk openly with her, cousin."

" I know, but we have Elif. Maybe she is enough for now. Ada is so tired anyway, a baby? That will be the last thing she probably needs."

'What is he saying? He doesn't want a baby! He doesn't want a baby at all or he doesn't want a baby with me? Doesn't he love me? I know he does, so what's the problem?"

"Ada?" Selin asks quietly, taking my hand."Maybe he doesn't mean it that way, he is just worried. You shouldn't jump to conclusions without talking with him first."

"I thought out loud again, right?" I ask and Selin only agrees.

"Maybe he is right, Selin... I didn't grow up with a mom so I don't know how to be one. What if I can't handle it? What if I will be a bad mom?"

"Nonsense, you will be the best mom ever. And best aunt too!" Selins says, putting my hand on her belly.

"We have Elif and it's enough for now. Work is hell and the last thing we need is a baby in the house. Maybe I'm not pregnant after all." I say, a tear threatening to leave my eyes.

"Shut up, a baby is a miracle!"

"Yes but Bora is right. We are not ready to be parents!"

"Did you buy it?" Ali asks, coming closer to us with Bora behind him. Who looks like he was hit by a train...

"Yes!" Selin answers, taking her husband's hand."And we should leave them alone, let's go!"

And they exit the house. The tension fills the air and Bora comes closer to me.

"Ready?" He asks, looking in my eyes.

"Why is he staring at me with this icy look? He is angry? But why? This isn't only my fault!'

"Let's see!" I angrily snap back.

We head towards the bathroom. He stays outside while I enter holding my tears. I won't cry. I want to be a mom, even if I am not ready, but he doesn't! What should I do? I thought he sees me as the mother of his children but I guess I was wrong.

I take the test and put it on the bathroom counter waiting for those 5 minutes to pass.

'What if I am becoming a mother?'...

Notes: The chapter is here. I am sorry for the delay. 

Thank you all for your patience, I hope you'll like this chapter. Let me know your opinion!

Lots of love!