"Of course not. You haven't even asked me to be your girlfriend."
"What if I don't want you to be." I asked and her jaw dropped.
"Then I'd find that extremely rude. I'm fabulous." She said flipping her hair.
"I know. Will you, I mean. You're homeless."
"Wow! I'm still touchy on that subject. God! I'm going to have to get a job like everyone else. Ugh! I'm too lazy! I just want to sit doing nothing and eat pizza while masterbating to Josh's face when Parker is in his body and he's smiling."
"You're gross. I don't think I want you here anymore." I couldn't help but laugh.
"Yes! I'll move in!"
"No, you're not."
"I'll just move in with Rachel. She likes me more than you."
"Yeah! But I gave her something you can't."
"I could use a strap-on." Did she really? Really?
"I meant an STI, but ok." I said and I could tell she wanted to laugh but she was shocked and she actually believed me.
"Ew, get out." She said pointed to the door.
"My apartment."
"Really? STI?"
"Nah, I gave her money because she really needed a place to live."
"Why don't you give me that option?"
"I want you here with me."
"Cute. Ok, am I still allowed to live in Sexpartment?"
"The what? Trust me! This apartment hasn't seen sex since three years ago."
"You serious?"
"Yeah, I stopped fucking her after you went back to England with your parents."
"But you were dating her. You moved into a house together next to me."
"No, I bought her a house and stayed there for a little while we where touring."
"Oh. Cool."
"And, I didn't know you lived there so when I said 'I came here to find you' I wasn't being completely honest."
"Wow! I'm feeling so special." She said sarcastically.
"I'm glad I did find you though."
"I'm glad you did, too."
"You're adorable, Kay."
"I know. By the way, I don't masterbate to Josh's face when Parker is in his body and he's smiling. I masterbate to your face."
"Aw, that's both adorable and creepy." She's getting so comfortable with me. I really like. A girl who's not afraid to say anything.
"Jokes on you, I don't masterbate. It's icky. Besides, that's the boys job."
"Umm? Thanks?"
"You're welcome."
"Wait, so you weren't dating her?"
"Nope."
"But you said you where fake dating her and I would've had to share you."
"That was all part of my plan to get you to finally speak up for yourself and to tell yourself what you want and to go get it. That thing you wanted was me and you did all the things I intended for you to do."
"That's smart."
"Yeah and she was really good at acting and crying. She didn't mind playing the role because she's dating Luke."
"Wait, why did she stay here then?"
"Truth is, I don't like being on my own and she's my best friend. She sleeps here sometimes."
"Wait, so is that girl that Luke hooks up with and has an on and off relationship with, Rachel?"
"Yup."
"Small world." She smiled and then quickly turned to me in shock and realisation on what I said. "So you've not had sex for three years?"
"Of course I've had sex. Just not in this apartment."
"Good. I was worried for you."
"You're weird."
"Yup."
-
Kayleigh had fallen asleep during The Insidious and left me watching it here alone. We where up to the part where the little ghost kid was running around and 'Tip Toe Through the Tulips' was playing. I jumped a little and Kay woke up. She looked at me.
"I'm hungry, let's chow down, Dude." She said and I nodded, I picked her up to her feet and got her coat, putting mine on too. First thing she does when she wakes up is think of food. This is why I like her.
"Where are you thinking?" I asked as we walked out the door. She said Maccas and I nodded. When we finally got there Kayleigh ordered and I paid. Of course. The women behind the counter lingered her fingers on my palm a lot longer than she should have when giving me my change.
"So, is this your girlfriend?" She asked placing the food onto the tray.
"No I am not. Ew, he's got a lot of baggage." Kayleigh joked and nudged my side.
"I think I can handle it." The girl flirted and touched my arm. I just sighed. "Here's my number."
"Irwin, get in there." Kayleigh laughed and walked off with the food. I can't believe Kayleigh actually took the number off her. We sat down at a table and Kayleigh began to eat.
"If you where to actually have a kid, what would you call it and which gender would you prefer?"
"Irwin, you're all about the baby talk. Are you pregnant?" Kayleigh giggled and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, I am. That's my secret. Bun in the oven. Up the duff. Preggers." I laughed and she threw one of her fries at me.
"I want a baby girl. I wanted to call her Darcy." She said and I smiled. "But, I can't have kids and every time you bring this up, it hurts inside because I had plans."
"I'm sorry."
"Irwin, It's fine." She said and bit into her burger. "Wait, did you accidentally get Rachel pregnant?"
"No! What the heck."
"Just asking." She said and went into her bag and threw a tampon at me. I chuckled.
"I hate you, Anna-Monroe."
"I hate you more, Irwin."
