empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter eleven // standby

We clamored down a spiraled staircase before arriving at an iron door. Hitch handed me her coffee so she could find the keys hidden in her coat. She pulled out a silver key and hastily unlocked the door.

"Thank you," she said as I handed her back the coffee.

My head cleared itself of thoughts as we entered the room. My jaw hung open like a dumbfounded kid trying to make sense of complicated math equations. Annie's frozen form stood in the middle of the cell. Her expression was vacant, but I could not say that she looked peaceful. She was preserved in a transparent crystal that had collected a good amount of dust over the years. This was the girl Armin had spent years waiting for. I could hardly hear Hitch speak next to me as my vociferous heartbeat drowned out any noise.

"Where do you want to start?"

I snapped my head back to face Hitch.

"If you don't mind me asking," she continued, "why Eren?"

I sighed loudly into the dimly lit cell. My mind was swarming with possible ways to respond without unmasking myself. It was not as simple as reprisal for being second best, but I also couldn't say that there was an ulterior motive.

"Eren and I have history," I explained. "I've always felt that our minds were somewhat aligned. He knew what I wanted, and he was willing to help me get it. I did not wondrously arouse him into becoming a docile pet. Sure, he was a tool, but-"

"You were too," Hitch interrupted, finishing my sentence.

I nodded. "Eren never does anything if there is nothing to be gained."

I wondered what his secret agenda was. Perhaps he had left hints, but I was either too drunk or distracted to take notice.

"I was using Eren to-" I paused and anxiously scrambled for answers that seemed honest, but the truth was that I didn't want to lie about this. I wanted at least one person to understand. "-To hurt someone. Someone who had hurt me."

I watched the pieces click together in her mind. Her face lit up when she finally understood. "What did Armin do?"

I looked back at the girl imprisoned in her own cage. She would rather be trapped for years, rather than have her mission uncovered. If I was given that choice, I would've made the same decision. I never really thought about how alike we were. We both had pasts that needed to be sealed for the greater good.

"I mistakenly believed that he had a genuine attraction towards me. Turned out, I was just filling someone's absence."

Hitch blinked in confusion. She sipped cautiously from her coffee but kept her eyes on me. "What makes you think that?"

"We got drunk together and he started talking to me like I was someone else," I clarified, the wound that memory had caused suddenly opened up again.

"Armin's a fucking idiot," she said, "but I can assure you that he doesn't love anyone else."

Her statement was so self-assured that I nearly stepped back.

"What- How do you know that?"

She gave me a smirk in response. "I spy on him."

"Hitch-" I began, a little unsettled by her blatant answer.

"Yeah, yeah," she waved me off. "I don't do it intentionally. He just comes around here a lot."

I stiffened. I had not asked what Armin did while we weren't seeing each other. I shouldn't have been shocked that he visited Annie during his leisure. It was just another dagger aimed at my heart.

"I'm sure Annie is thrilled to be another person's emotional support outlet. She's going to have so much dirt on us when she breaks out of that crystal," Hitch joked. "Armin comes here often to check on her. At first, I thought it was just him being a pervert, but it's not. He has these long conversations with her about... everything. He talks about Eren becoming someone he cannot recognize, and Mikasa secretly being in love with him. He talks about you the most though. He knows that you have things you cannot share with him. It pains him because he knows how much it burdens you to lie to him. He told Annie that it took him until the raid on Marley for him to realize you even felt something for him. He was terrified of making things even more difficult for you. He knows how his presence pressures you to put up a disguise."

As she spoke I felt a pit open up inside me. I felt myself tunneling inwards as she revealed the truth.

"But," I croaked, "he loves her."

She shook her head. "At one point that might've been true," she said, "but that is not true now."

Tears prickled my eyes as I took in what she said.

"I don't think he has many people he can trust to not betray him. Annie isn't going anywhere. She isn't going to abandon him like Eren. She misled him for many years, but that doesn't change the fact that she's still the only person he can speak openly to without being admonished. He is plagued with loneliness."

I felt the first of many tears trail their way down my face.

"Do I need to elaborate more, or do you finally see what I'm trying to say?" she asked, grinning again. "You aren't replacing anyone. You're the one he's waiting for."