empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter eleven // standby

"Where should I begin? I made an ass of myself and 'seduced' Eren, I slept with my best friend, and I quit my job. I'm doing great!"

I nearly laughed at how ridiculous the situation sounded in concise terms.

Hitch's eyes softened in what appeared to be sympathy, which made the pain in my chest expand.

"Oh, sweet girl. Let's go find a place to sit so you can rest."

Indecisiveness choked me as I wondered if I wanted to be in the company of others while I was on the brink of my own destruction. Hitch was kind and I knew she could handle something as trivial as an outburst. She didn't shy away from calamity. I bet I could disclose my operation and she would hardly think any less of me.

"Got a place in mind?" I asked and she nodded emphatically.

I followed next to Hitch as she led me through hordes of people who had just gotten off of work. We made our way through a blur of tea shops, newspaper stands, and Eren Yeager enthusiasts, who stared openly at me as we passed. Snarky remarks behind me caught my attention, and the shred of dignity I clung to went limp in my grasp.

Hitch went stiff beside me and it took only a moment for her to whip around and get in front of their snotty faces.

"Mind your fucking business, perverts!" she barked at the men behind us who were making comments.

I watched from my rigid position as surprise washed over them. They clearly hadn't been anticipating a retort. If I had been behaving like myself I would've snapped at them too. Nobody knew the truth as to why I had put myself on display. I was hoping Armin would've at least had an inkling as to what I was trying to accomplish, but he had responded with much of the same.

Perhaps that was why I was the one hiding from him now. I had woken that next morning with his arms still wound around my waist. I painfully regretted my choices after the hazy memories came back to whip me. I had sacrificed myself in an effort to claim any semblance of myself that I could. Feverish acts with Armin in dark rooms had only added to my unceasing dread. I had never imagined that my greatest desires would come back to bite me.

"Um... can we keep going?" I asked apprehensively.

I did not know how to express my disappointment at what I had become. I hated the wavering way with which I spoke. I had always spoken my mind so clearly, but it was like Armin said on the airship, I wanted to hide how fucked up I really was. I wanted to watch people behind a mask and not be observed under critical eyes.

Hitch glanced between me and the obnoxious men, who were seconds away from getting a beat down from an MP. "Consider yourselves lucky."

She bound towards me, giving a thumbs up with her free hand. I returned it with a small smile.

"God, I hate when men think it's within their rights to judge a woman's sexual relations. Their squabbles have no substance to them either. They just wanted an excuse to paint another woman as the villain while they praise Eren for starting a war," Hitch ranted as the sun's rays shielded themselves beneath the fifty-meter wall.

I nodded my head in agreement. "I always found it strange how there was only one non-male commander."

Hitch gasped loudly beside me, "You're so right! No wonder we've got so much shit going on."

I laughed and the tension in my body eased.

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked instinctively, wanting to deflect the conversation from making its way back to me.

"I work underground and keep an eye over things. I'm actually working the night shift tonight, but nobody will scold me for bringing along a friend," she said with a wink. "People rarely wander down there, so it's unlikely that anyone will be eavesdropping on our conversation."