empty spaces ~ armin x reader

chapter eleven // standby

"Oh! I almost forgot to mention," Zackley started just as the fury festering in my core was about to explode. "Yelena requested a visit with you for whatever reason. I trust you enough to properly handle an enemy based on how you managed Eren."

I stood there in speechless shock. Why would Yelena request my presence personally?

"I'll see to that immediately, but I'm curious as to why she would want to speak with me."

He grunted as if my question was irrelevant. I could see that my "pleasant" welcome was narrowing to a close and I had yet to accomplish what I came here to do.

"I would like to request a transfer to the Scout's regiment. I've already received permission from Commander Hange Zoe to work under her supervision. I need you to approve my transfer," I explained, resisting the urge to ramble.

Commander Zackley looked up at me with suspicion flashing in his eyes. I assumed that this was the first time since he assumed his role that someone had requested to step out of a government position and move back to the battlefield. It seemed absurd even when I thought about it, but it was my choice.

"That's a peculiar request, y/n," he said with a sigh as he took out a pen to write his signature on my transfer form.

I didn't reply to his comment until he had finished filling out the form. I thought about the morning on the beach with Armin, just before our raid on Liberio. I thought about the silence swallowing us as we lightly traced each other's palms. The ocean was vast and reflected the morning light effortlessly. I saw our faces in the water as we allowed ourselves a moment away from war. There was unhappiness that settled inside me whenever I recalled that memory up until this moment. That memory, compared to how I felt in my current position, made me feel like a caged animal. The feeling of entrapment stretched further than being stuck inside three walls. It had little to do with my physical position and everything to do with the fact that I was incapable of making my own path until now.

"I know it's strange to ask this. Thank you for understanding." I couldn't stop myself from sounding somber as I spoke because I still wondered if it was a mistake.

"I don't understand it, but I respect your decision," he said, handing the form to me.

I may not have made the right decision, but at least it was a decision.

***

Every fiber in me yearned to bury my face in my hands as I strolled back to my solitary living quarters. I would be forced to relocate soon thanks to my new position in the Survey Corps. I had already sold the majority of my dress clothes because I wouldn't be attending nearly as many diplomatic meetings. Most people would recognize this as a breakdown, and perhaps they were right. Armin would have seen right through it, which was why I was doing everything I could to avoid him. I didn't need my impulsive actions under scrutiny while I was still questioning if I gave up something valuable.

"You look like shit," A sweet voice announced.

I tore my eyes away from the ground and caught sight of Hitch walking towards me with a teasing smile. She had a cup of steaming coffee in her hand that swished as she dodged pedestrians to greet me.

"Aw, thank you for the amiable greeting," I said sarcastically.

Her smile only widened as she finally reached me. She was in her MP uniform. It was nearly six in the evening so I assumed she was just released from her shift.

"I'm sorry," she sighed with a falsely apologetic tone. "Hello, you look like shit. What the hell happened?"

Was I really projecting off my feelings that much? Good lord. What had sleeping with Armin done to me? Now, I had urges to spill my feelings out on the table for all the world to criticize. It terrified me how challenging it was to bury my emotions.