Twin Size Matress

What's The Worst I Can Say?

Mornings were perhaps the easiest, yet most physically painful part of the day for Legoshi.

The only mental weight he felt this early was the disappointment that he was still here. Still breathing. He was still taking up precious space and time and for what? Nothing.

Yet that didn't seem to bother him, at all in the mornings. Not until noon hour, did he ever start listening to his mind.

He could still function like a normal beast, in the AM. He found it mentally easy to get up, take a shower, and force some water down.

Sure, all his joints killed him, but he'd rather feel physical pain then mental, because with physical, he could at least tell where the aches were coming from. He would sometimes have a visual representation of the suffering, through swelling or bruising, as well.

With mental pain, though, the things he felt were invisible..unless, of course, he were to channel his inner anger into outer expression. However, he wasn't too fond of wearing heavy clothing, until his fur grew back across the spots of shame.

Besides, who wanted to wear hoodies in late spring?

Legoshi, for some reason, found this particular morning much more difficult than normal.

It started with the fact that he had to collect all his energy just to get out of bed. Normally, he would be up, and getting dressed within five minutes of opening his eyes. Today, he took twenty minutes to do so, instead.

Once he finally was standing up, the young wolf took out a dark blue T-Shirt from his backpack of belongings. It was at this point that he felt extremely dizzy, but ignored the urge to throw up.

He smelled the shirt to make sure it was clean, and put it on. Next, he put on a pair of black jeans, and a dull, rainbow checkered belt. This caused him great difficulty, as his upper arms sent shooting signals of pain up towards his shoulder. Somehow, though, he managed to get fully dressed.

Finally, he threw on some plain white socks, a task that was surprisingly the easiest to do.

Now all he had to do was put on his favourite canvas shoes.

That's when he started disassociating. He could feel his mind drifting away from full consciousness, as if he were just watching a movie at the theater, and not the main character, himself.

This often became a problem, because he would continue to do a task, emotionless, forgetting his own surroundings.

His zoning out was so bad, that he already had his left shoe on and tied up, before he had noticed the right one was missing.

That was just lovely...He was going to have to take the next train.

He had a doctor's appointment, but not much else to do afterwards. Still, he couldn't be late. The rehab like program he had been enrolled in months ago had put an order in place, requiring him to go to doctor appointments for medication.

The medication, called Duotine, was meant to keep him calm and almost zombie-like. It was something he already made himself do, but with the medication, it kept him quiet all the time, not just most of the time.

If there was a fight, he'd zone out and be quiet. If there was an emergency, he'd follow instructions, empty headed. If there was any sort of meat cravings or hunger in general, he'd lack awareness of it.

Nothing could break the intensity of the medication.

Nothing, except for Legoshi's internal extreme mood shifts. Or his abstract thinking. If these caused a psychotic break, there was no guarantee he'd be numb.