The extra to my ordinary (Xdinary Heroes' Gunil Fanfiction)

9 - Me after you

- 6 months later -

I had finished packing the present that I had prepared for our 6 months-anniversary. We had planned to go to the cinema and watch that new movie called "Klaus" – I had forced Gunil to go with me. I wanted to get myself ready as it knocked at the door. Confused, I checked the clock – I still had one hour left before Gunil was supposed to pick me up. "Who could it be?", I mumbled to myself and went over to open the door. "Hi", my boyfriend greeted me shyly. I tilted my head. "I confused the times?", I asked, growing even more puzzled as he shook his head. "Uhm, see... I...", he started of unsurely and then took my hands in his, barely daring to look into my eyes. I raised an eyebrow. "Spit it out", I demanded, getting more nervous by the second. "I have a spontaneous audition tonight", he confessed. I let go off a breath. "That's completely fine. We can just go another day. Why did you have to make me so nervous?", I answered with a soft smile. However, it faded when I saw his eyes. There was more. "It's an audition for JYP", he mumbled. "Oh", I breathed out. He nodded. I closed my eyes and tried to find a good reply. If I let him go and he passed, he would probably move back to Korea and wasn't allowed to date anymore. I cursed internally. I would hate myself for this but before deciding otherwise, I looked at him again and firmly said: "Then why aren't you on your way already?" I forced an encouraging smile. "I won't go if you don't want me to", he said. I shook my head. "You gotta take your chances, don't you? You always dreamt of returning to your country", I replied. "But I dreamt of going with you after we're both graduated", he whispered. "Gunil", I said and lifted his chin, "Go. It's an audition after all. We can see how it develops if you get accepted. But you should at least try it. I'm fine with it, I really am." Kinda. I would be fine as time passes, not right now. He took a deep breath and then nodded. "Okay. I should go." "Exactly", I agreed, "Blow them away, darling." I pecked his cheek and then turned him around. "Fingers crossed", I whispered into his ear. "Thanks", he gave back just as quiet and started to walk away. He still seemed hesitant. "If you don't speed up, I'll make you", I threatened him. He chuckled and sent me a thankful look, indeed picking up some pace. I smiled softly and closed the door after he left my eyesight. Inside, I let myself fall against it and slid down until I sat on the floor. "Darn it", I mumbled.

Somehow, I had managed to move from the door onto my bed where I now lay, my feet against the wall, my head hanging over the bed's edge. I had found a ball and since then continuously threw it to the floor so that it bounced back from the wall opposite me and I could catch it again. The door opened and Jessy came in. From the corner of my eye, I saw her stopping and staring at me. "What happened?", she asked, "Aren't you supposed to be on a date?" "He has an audition", I answered, letting the ball drop. Then I sat up to look at her. "And what about it?", she investigated, figuring that there was more to it as well. "An audition at JYP", I shrugged and sighed. She came over and sat down beside me. "So that means...", she started, not sure if she should go on. "It means that he will return to Korea if he passes", I spoke. "And he made you stand up to go there?", she asked in disbelief. I shook my head. "I made him go there", I answered. "That's very mature of you", she said after a short moment of silence and put her arm around my shoulder. I shrugged. "We first have to see if he passes after all", I replied, trying to smile. It was more a grimace and I sighed. "Seriously, who am I kidding?", I mumbled, letting myself fall onto her, "They would be really stupid if they wouldn't want him."

When Gunil came back, he looked even more nervous than before. I tried to force a smile the best I could as he announced that he passed. I told him that I was really happy for him and I was – yet he explained that it meant that not only would he move to Korea, but also that he wasn't allowed to date anymore. "No exceptions, I actually asked them", he sighed. "When will you move?", I asked. He turned to me, looking deep into my eyes. With all honesty in his voice, he answered: "I won't if you want me to stay." I smiled softly and cupped his face, trying to not tear up too much. "Go, Gunil. Seriously. This is your chance and you always wanted it. You should go." "But you..." "No. Please. It's the right thing to do." He sighed, wiping away the tears that had started to fall from my eyes. "Thank you. I mean it", he whispered. "Not for that", I sniffed.

Two weeks later, I stood in front of the college, watching Gunil put his luggage into the cab. We tried to spend the time we still had left as good as we could, even watched the movie like we had planned to, yet there was no use in denying that we both knew it had to end. And today was the day. "I hate to leave you", Gunil said and I heard how sincere he was. "I hate it too", I mumbled with lowered eyes but then looked up and smiled at him, "But hey – You will be able to do what you want to and that's great. I am happy for you, I really am." "And I am really proud of you", he answered, caressing my cheek. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes for a second. "I have something for you", I then said and turned to Jessy who had accompanied me to comfort me later on. She had taken it along. "I wanted to give it to you earlier, but it seemed more fitting to do it now", I shrugged and handed the present over that I had prepared for our anniversary. He looked at it amazed. "I don't have anything-", he started but I motioned him to be silent and leaned over to him, connecting our foreheads. "Just stay true to yourself, do what you love and enjoy your life, promise me that and it's enough for me", I whispered. "I promise", he whispered back and kissed me.

I waved at the cab, not leaving even after it was gone. Jessy pulled me into a back hug and rested her chin on my shoulder. "That sucks", I mumbled, finally allowing the tears to fall. In the cab, Gunil wiped away some of his as well.

A few days later, it knocked on my door, just when I was about to leave for another one of Sabrina's music night. I had insisted on doing it today because even though I didn't feel like singing upbeat songs, I could still comfort myself by making music. I opened the door to see Joe standing there, smiling nervously. I raised an eyebrow. "Hi?", I said. "Uhm. Hi. I... I am here in Gunil's name", he started off and I flinched almost unnoticeably as I heard the name. "He told me to say sorry – again, just like after the day after the party, remember?", he chuckled nervously. I stayed silent and he cleared his throat to continue: "Anyway. It's my fault he couldn't do this personally. I haven't finished the layout in time, that's why. However, he wanted to give you this." He held up a small gift and my eyes widened. "T-Thanks", I stuttered. "You're welcome", Joe answered and nudged me, "Hey and if you need an idiotic friend to get your mind focused on something else, just tell me okay? Gunil would want that you smile again. He always went into raptures over how lovely you looked when being happy." "Will do, thanks a lot", I smiled at him. "Looking much better already", Joe replied and I chuckled. "Anyway, I gotta go now, see you around", I announced and stepped out of the room. He accompanied me to the entrance and we bid our goodbyes, me leaving for Sabrina and he for his dorm.

Meanwhile, on another continent, Gunil finally mustered up the courage to open the present. He carefully unwrapped it, making sure to not harm it in any way. As he saw what it was, his eyes widened in surprise and he felt his a sting. On his lap lay a pair of socks, a label on top of it: "A pair of cool socks from a cool sock for a cool sock. Thanks for everything! Love, Katy" "Darn it", he mumbled, trying to not tear up. He let himself fall backwards and sighed deeply.

After finishing the singing part, I decided to go home right away, walking over to Sabrina to say goodbye. "Cheer up", she told me worried. "I'll try", I shrugged. "Hey", she replied firmly, "I always loved your positive and happy energy. I get that you're sad now but promise me to become happy again – It's your decision, believe me. It was the right thing to let him go. And even after losing true love you can be happy, take it from me. After all, I am running this business alone only because the love of my life is married to another woman and I ain't being gloomy all day. True love means to seek the other's happiness first, but it doesn't mean to only pity yourself if you lose it, okay?" I nodded obediently. She was right. "Give it time", she added, "But don't lose yourself in it."

Back in my room, I sat down on my bed, staring at the gift for quite some time. Finally, I took a deep breath and started to cautiously unwrap it. Into my hands fell a CD case. A drawing of a streetlamp in front of a camellia was on it, the word "Extra-ordinary" written on top. I carefully opened it to indeed find a CD and a track list on the backside of the cover. I went through it, already feeling how I teared up. Have we met before, Father and Son, City of stars, Lady Marmelade, Time after time, Beautiful girls are the loneliest, Falling slowly, Compass (Inst.), Dueling guitars, Weil ich Jesu Schäflein bin (Inst.), Annie's Song, I can't outrun you, When you say nothing at all and – I blinked confused. I didn't know the last song yet but would check it out for sure. It was BigBang's Last dance. Underneath the track list, there was a note: "You were, are and always will be my first love. And to you I want to give my first album to." I let myself fall backwards and wiped away the tears. "Darn it", I mumbled.