tricks of time ― grayson hawthorne [the inheritance games]

026. SOLO NIGHT SWIMS

They're still fully clothed but I blink and Grayson's as well as Celeste's shirt is off. I know I can't stay here long. I don't know how much this is going to escalate.

I see him kissing her and I feel a fuzzy feeling of deja vu. It looks too much like the other night- feels too much like the other night even though he's not kissing me.

My breath hitches. I freeze, realize I've given myself away. But Celeste keeps her back to me. I don't think she's noticed anything.

It's Grayson who sees me when he pulls out of a kiss. He's against the wall and I can see his whole face as Celeste kisses his neck. His eyes are wide and angry but then they are full of remorse. I know he wants to reach out and talk to me but I feel my eyes glossing. He can probably see that, too, because of the moonlight.

Celeste still hasn't seen anything. On the other hand, Grayson and I haven't broken eye contact despite the fact that tears are streaming down my cheeks. I haven't bothered wiping them.  I'm not upset that they're kissing passionately. Despite the fact that I have never loved him in that way, I feel played. I feel played because he kissed me for minutes on end just for me to learn that he does this on a daily basis.

He's a disgusting person. The hatred, harassment, cruelty- that was all fine. But this? This is pure disgusting. This is the type of behavior you'd expect from a boy like James. Not....not Grayson.

I wipe my tears and blink a few times. The tears are replaced with fire. Celeste pulls him down for a kiss and he no longer can see me. I take my chance and I shut the latch with a thud.

___

Angry tears are streaming down my face. How could I have though he loved me like that? How could I have been so stupid to kiss him, try to make him feel better before running off? Why did I even kiss him at all?

I don't even realize I've blindly pulled my swimsuit on and am standing in the cold, freezing air in front of the pool. I let my feet dangle over the edge of the pool, soaking in the warm water as the top of my body freezes in the cold. But I actually enjoy it.   I am about two and a half feet above the water. I stare at it, and it stares right back at me. The water is a crystal blue tint that taunts me; and I'm sure the water thinks it is better than I am.

I can see the water grinning and laughing at me now. The familiar sickly sweet smell of the chlorine surrounds me, almost suffocating me.

I'm hyperventilating.

Calm down.

The water isn't alive.

Right now, the water looks so calm and smooth, beckoning me to dive in. But I know that in just a few seconds, the glassy blueness will be turned into a churning white mass as I churn through it, causing a wake to run across the pool. But for now, it is still laughing at me as if I'm a clown.

I push my hair back away from my face and coil up like a spring, before I release and let the coil spring out of position.

I could swim forever, dive forever, be here in this underwater world forever. There is something about the motion of it that becomes natural after a while. I'll always need the air and the moonlight, to feel the saline water wash over my skin and through my eye lashes, but there's a reason I was sent here. And so, I swim while I can, rest when I must. There are times I want to be saved, to give up and await strong arms to pull me from the struggle of life, then I remember who I am and keep going.

I hear a sound that sounds like a dive near me. Sure enough, I see a tall, lean but muscular boy swimming to the side of me. Eventually, he glides towards me and I see Jameson. I smile at him through the water before craning my head up for air.

We both glide up to the air and we both wipe our eyes of the water and the burn- considering we're not wearing goggles.

"This one of your solo night swims or can I join?" He says with a gleaming smile.

In all honesty, I was hoping I could just swim by myself. But I'd feel guilty if I kicked him out of this pool- which was formerly his. "Sure," I smile.

"So..." he says, as we tread the water in circles, "you happy about the trial?"

I nod and laugh quietly. "Yeah, god, that was a big reliever."

He nods. "Yeah, I'm sure." But he looks like he's thinking hard.

"What is it?" I say, laughing lightly.

"Nothing," he says quickly, but then rethinks. "Everything."

"What is it?" I say. We both breathe out and watch as our breath forms clouds in the cold air.

He inches closer to me. We're so close I feel his breath on my face.

"I really want to kiss you right now."

I think back to Grayson and his face- what he would say if he saw this moment. How he would feel. But then I see him and Celeste and it ignites something- something in me and suddenly I realize this is the perfect escape I need.

So I nod. He smiles and his lips close over mine. I kissed him back. His kiss was gentle at first, then not gently at all. Maybe it was the aftereffects of shock, but as I drove my hands into his hair, as he grabbed my hair and angled my face upward, I could see a thousand versions of him in my mind. Kissing him felt like fire. He wasn't soft and sweet, but I didn't need soft or sweet. After Grayson, this was exactly what I needed. Maybe I could be what he needed, too. Maybe this didn't have to be a bad idea. Maybe the complications were worth it.

He pulled back from the kiss, his lips only an inch away from mine. He didn't wait for anything, though. He hoisted me up and out of the water for a split seconds and my upper arms were coated in goosebumps before he pulled me back in the water. I felt his breath on my face. I felt every last one of those words. Kissing in the middle of the pool in the middle of the night- I felt like fire.

.I'm kissing him so hard I feel like I'm swimming in a pool of lava. I wrap my legs around his waist and suddenly I'm against the rim of the pool.

It feels good to kiss him. It felt good to kiss him because I knew there were no consequences. I know he'd just been with a girl and that we were both kissing for leisurely pleasure. He didn't know what had happened with me and Grayson- but at least we could kiss for some sort of validation. I don't know what type of validation it was, but, it worked.

His lips trail down my neck and to my collarbone. I gasp.

I don't want these kisses to end. Ever.

authors note

crazy chapter- i know. sorry y'all had a moment of false hope that grayson and leah were getting together a few chapters ago. they will though, soon!

word count: 2814 words