MAURICE - harrington

iv.

ACT ONE, chapter iv.

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   Mars and Steve had driven for about an hour around nearby neighborhoods calling out JJ's name. Mars had long since bit back the tears of worry, but Steve could tell by the rigidness of his body that the boy was still stressed beyond belief. The more Steve's eyes flickered from the road to the boy in the passenger seat, the more he felt himself become stressed. In an effort to distract Mars, he spoke up through the silence.

"What kind of seventeen-year-old doesn't have a license?" Steve said. His voice was bordering between soft and joking, pushing the boundaries to see if Mars was in the mood. 

Luckily, Mars giggled out softly, turning away from the window and pulling his thin legs to his chest, "I dunno... I guess it's always sorta scared me."

"Scared you?" Steve raised his brows in disbelief. "You? Puh-lease. I didn't know anything could scare you." Mars furrowed his brows, turning in his seat to face Steve even more — whether this was intrigue or an attempt to ignore the blinding darkness outside that JJ was somewhere deep within, Steve didn't know. So, he continued. "Especially after Freshman year, when..." Steve trailed off, his amused demeanor faltering slightly as he began to tiptoe over his words. "Uh, when... you know... people... found out... stuff..."

Mars scoffed out a laugh, sinking into his seat until his bent knees and head were level, "You can say gay, Harrington," Mars bit his lip and rolled his eyes. "It's not a bad word. I'm gay."

"Y— Yeah," Steve stammered, his cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment. "Gay..." The word awkwardly rolled off his tongue, as if he'd never said it out loud before. Mars found it so funny, his teeth revealed through his smile. "Anyway, it's just that... you were so... fearless—"

"Oh, fuck, no," Mars laughed. "No, no. I was not fearless." Steve furrowed his brows this time, his eyes moving between the road and Mars rapidly in an attempt to concentrate on both. "I was scared out of my mind!"

"Well..." Steve's eyes stayed on the road as he bathed in confusion. "Why did you say anything then?" The other boy's head whipped to Steve, attention entirely on him. He wasn't scrutinizing. He was genuinely intrigued. "Like... wouldn't it have just been easier to... not? To pretend, I mean."

There was a beat of silence, and Steve worried he'd pushed Mars too far. But when he looked over, the boy was in thought, his slightly crooked teeth biting his lip.

"I guess, you wouldn't understand it," Mars shrugged, moving his eyes to face the moon peeping out from the shadowed trees as they drove past them. "You can always be who you are outwardly. Like... on the inside you're this boastful, semi-oblivious fool—"

"Ouch!" Steve remarked with a soft laugh.

"Aaaand," Mars glared at him for interrupting, "you get to be the same on the outside. King Steve through and through. You don't know what it's like to try and keep it all inside." Mars shrugged again, his head of curls lulling to the side like he was resting on his own shoulder. "It suffocates you, and after time... after a certain amount of years... it comes out."