The Sensible One (boyxboy) ✓

Chapter Thirty

Trying to point out how very different Lowell was to the kind of men I'd always fantasised to him, my obsession with Bowie, with intelligent less muscular, more dignified men, men who had life figured out from start to finish, a career in mind.

And in his essay of sneering at him he had even been able to slip in a reference to the way I'd climaxed early when he left a hickey on a part of my back where there were three birthmarks shaping a triangle. Not just wildly inappropriate, embarrassing and horrifying, but a memory that was embarrassing to me for multiple reasons, given the context.

In front of Lowell.

My chest felt like it was beating loudly in all my rage.

"It's about-"

"Weston." He nodded, he looked uncomfortable but not hostile, James wasn't really the sort to look hostile. Really of all of us he was the most like me, although he lived further away and so didn't visit as frequently as the rest of us did. He was extremely sensible, I hoped, through and through.

"Did he mention he knew me?"

He shook his head. "Not really... I am upset about it before you ask. I asked him last time we met if he knew you and he insinuated he hadn't... brushed the question off as though I was being strange."

I nodded. "I'm sorry, I should have said something."

He took a long breath. "About having known each other as teens? I'm not sure I have a right to that information."

"I would argue that you do." I pursed my lips.

James sighed and leaned back against the wall beside the door, folding his arms in a tense attempt to relax. "Since he met you in private and now occupied the evening by making your new partner aware of just how well he knew you, I'd have to agree."

"James... you know we weren't just friends right?"

He said nothing for a moment, then cringed.

"I'm struggling to not tell you to be quiet Max, I'm the worst sort of person."

I patted his shoulder, frowning at him. "I want you to still be my friend despite what I have to say."

"I'm not worried about losing you as my friend, Max, because I doubt that will happen." He sighed and took a seat. They had implemented seats in the corridor outside the ladies toilets for some reason and so I took a seat as well. "Tell me what happened..."

I explained how I knew Weston, that we had... well, dated in my eyes, described the day he told me he was straight, that I'd been coercing him all along. The sex, the touching, the kissing... 

I'd been horrified and moved away because of this, changed my number, lied at the reunion... that I'd felt deeply ashamed of what I'd done to him and carried that with me as a secret I couldn't bare anyone to find out.

"For so long I secretly thought, I was a predator for what I did, and that I was only lucky and thankful that Weston told no one about it, and this thought made me feel more ashamed." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "Seeing him with you was... a shock."

James listened quietly shocked at times, turning a little red at moments, and nodded, warm eyes watching me as I spoke, finally he slung an arm around my shoulders and messed with my hair at the neck, a sort of hug. The contact felt abrasive but I still leaned into it.

"Did you meet him again before I introduced you to him?"

I shook my head. "First time in ten years."

He pursed his lips, blinking away wetness. "We've been dating for nearly for one and a half years. I've known him for three."