After Thoughts

Chapter Two

***

I didn't know at the time how jealous you could get. I just thought you said it because we are new in the relationship. I didn't think much of it as the days went on, until I talked to Tyler in our class about work that I had missed when I had sneaked off with you to have sex in the janitor closet. 

***

"Hey," I tap Tyler's shoulder and he looks over his shoulder at me, "What did I miss? I was in the bathroom real quick." I lied, but I can see he doesn't buy it. Of course he won't! I probably even look guilty.

I didn't want to go, but you were so persistent. You wouldn't leave my thighs alone and you kept pushing. You even went so far and said that as your girlfriend I need to please you. I told you I didn't want to get caught and then it was your plan that I lie to the teacher to go to the bathroom and after a few you will go too.

As a new couple it should be fun, but I didn't enjoy having public sex. You enjoyed it, you liked the idea of getting caught, of being watched.

"Not much," Tyler whispered back, snapping me back to the reality of being in class again. "Miss Brank only wants us to write a short essay about feelings." I nod my head and turn to watch you as you move to your seat when you got back to class.

Your face was stern and your eyes dark as you watch me, and I wasn't sure if I saw the irritation on your face and or if I had maybe imagined it. 

"So you and Tyler?" Your voice is cold after class and you didn't take my hand as you always do when we walk to class together. "Me and Tyler?" I repeat in confusion. You nod your head, "Yeah, I saw you, swooning over him and he was looking at you the way that any guy looks at a girl they want to bang." Your voice was even more cold now, and I can see the anger on your face. I flinch, not too obvious.

"I just asked him about school work." You actually rolled your eyes at me. "That's always the excuse." But I was. I know I was. Wasn't I? Did I maybe look different on the outside as I was feeling on the inside? 

"I swear!" I plead and I grab your hand. You don't pull away, but you do not hold it either. "I told you I do not want to date someone easy." I am not easy. I was never easy. I don't even want to have sex with you as much as you want me to, why would I have sex with a stranger?

"I am not." I whisper, feeling frustrated that you are convinced that I will cheat. "I trust you." You finally speak after a good few seconds. It doesn't feel like it, but I decide not to say anything. "I am not saying that you are easy or a slut, but keep your distance from Tyler. Okay?" It was a demand. The one of many.

I didn't argue against you.

***

I never argued against you. Whenever I had, I never got far. It was useless. Like arguing against a wall. You were always right, even when you lied. Or cheated. You were always right. 

***

I watch you laughing with Liam, your best friend from primary school. He was showing you things on his phone, and when I had tried to take a look you pulled the phone away. I just now sat here on the grass, one side, while the two of you laugh and show each other whatever it is you are showing.

"Dude!" Liam yells, shoving you and you just laugh harder. "She is hot, you are delusional." This peaked my ears. She? Who are you talking about? I scoot closer, and got to take a look on the small rectangle screen before it was ripped away and shoved in a pocket.