Dear Diary

1/26/22: Can & Can't... Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop Loop

     Dear Diary...

          There's always something going on with me. Despite me saying what I want to say, it never feels like it's enough.

          I have a lot that I wanna do & say, but idk what. I wanna get out my emotions, but how?

          What do I wanna say? What do I wanna do? What emotions am I feeling?

          I want to do everything & nothing. Do everything to change something. Do nothing to change anything.

          Not even saying this feels like enough. It's like the adrenaline I so crave.

          I want more & more & more & more & more, but I don't wanna be greedy & thus don't say anything. But it's something I need & want, yet convince myself otherwise.

          I need & want to get everything out, but I think otherwise. Yet it's the opposite as well. I want to keep everything to myself, but convince myself otherwise.

          Back & forth & forth & back & back & forth.

          It'd just a loop. A neverending loop. A loop with no visible end in sight. Loop loop loop. It's all on loop.

          Everyday is on loop. Everything is on loop. Everything I do is on loop. Everything I think is on loop. Everything I feel is on loop.
          How to break it? I have no idea. I need help, but convince myself otherwise. I don't want the help, but ik otherwise.

          Loop loop loop. Back & forth & forth & back & back & forth.

From, K