My Boys

Chapter Three - Hell's Angel

"Don't deny it, Eve. I know that he told you he was trying to get you pregnant. We both know how that story ended. Only your part is coming to an end. It's been 5 years and you still haven't gotten pregnant. Not that Troy really tries considering he's usually out with clients or me and too tired by the time he gets home. You've become skilled at hiding most of your emotions but ndinokuziva ( I know you). 

"Urikurwadziwa (You're in pain (as a result of what I said)) and when you give Troy hell about this little chat I'll know exactly what you said." The woman stood up sending a waft of expensive perfume in Eve's direction. She leaned forward and whispered into Eve's ear. "I know your secret too. Ezvinezvi, handiskuwudza munhu ( Right now I'm not going to tell a soul) but just imagine the shock of your family and his when they find out kuti (that) you lied pamberi pavo (before them) and God."

The desire to yank the face that leaned into her ear away by pulling on the freshly braided hair was too strong to resist. Instead, Eve held onto her bed and closed her eyes. "I think it's time you leave."

Tears rested on her eyelashes unshed and her visitor smiled as she took the tears in. "Shamwari (my friend), in as much as I have nothing to lose by telling you lies, the truth is far more exciting to tell here. Sara bho-o (Stay well ( slang))."

As the sound of stiletto tips against ceramic tiles echoed into silence down the hall Eve watched the door hoping the sound didn't get louder as her composure began to fracture. Taking a deep breath and looking at her surrounding she felt the panic that had risen in her chest begin to subside. The fear that had constricted her throat leaving as its aching also began to lessen.

Bringing the whole room into focus as her mind ran over the new news she began to see the truths and half-truths as they really were. Half-truths are always dangerous, the way they echo one's worst fears while leaving enough gaps in the truth for the active imagination to brew up conclusions. Conclusions that, in the heat of the moment, seem to lend themselves conveniently to the confusion and desire to have a complete story that an incomplete tale creates.

Taking an ever deeper breath Eve focussed her eyes on the wall across from her bed and really looked at it. Noting the chips in the paint, the cracks in the right-hand corner, the almost invisible fingerprints that mimicked Jeffrey's movements days before as he played against the wall and the shadows that fell across the wall in a mockingly playful way. Eve's lips turned up at both ends when she noted the irony between her thoughts and the wall's shadows. Laughing, she considered her options.

*********

Dear Diary,

I don't think I can bear any more. When I said my vows I declared before God that I would stand by this man, for better or for worse. I laugh with no mirth now when I see, however, that despite how bad I thought things were when we were dating; they have gotten worse.

Oh, how I abhor that woman! But if I am honest with myself it is not her that I hate but the fact that her mere presence reminds me of how poorly I am to attend to my OWN husband. 

God help me! My heart is weak & I seek to despise the one person who seems to know how to pull my husband out of his shell when he is upset. What am I meant to do when he wakes up and leaves for work without so much as a word, only to return home, shift food around on his plate, watch television, bathe then sleep?

God forbid, I make any motion to touch him, embrace him, and seduce him. His brow furrows with distrust and his lips curl with disgust. Surely, it cannot get worse than this?

As I write this I can feel him looking at me with those eyes. The very eyes that used to undress me, caress me, make me feel like I was the only other person in the world...